Understanding Introversion: It’s Not What You Think 💭

🌸 Hello deer,

My name is Serina, but most people call me Seri.

I was born in Japan and now live in Europe, where I study social sciences and work part-time as a nanny. I'm someone who enjoys calm days, nature, writing, and quiet creativity like pottery or flower arrangement. I’ve always been more inward than outward, more observant than loud.

Some people think that being introverted means being shy, antisocial, or even cold. Others believe introverts just need to “push themselves” or “get out more.” But what if none of these assumptions are true?

As someone who lives this experience deeply, I want to share what introversion truly means and how it has shaped my life, both when I was a child in Japan and now, as a young woman in Europe.

1. What Is Introversion? 💭

Introversion is a personality trait. It is not a flaw, and it is not a weakness. It means that your energy comes from within. Introverts feel more alive and recharged in quiet, low-stimulation environments. This can be time alone or with just one or two close people.

It does not mean disliking others. It simply means that too much stimulation drains our energy instead of giving it back.

2. Where Does It Come From? 💭

Introversion is not something you choose or learn. It is part of how your brain works. Scientific research shows that introverts process stimuli differently. We are more sensitive to dopamine and more responsive to internal thoughts than external noise.

Some of this may also be shaped by personal experiences. But the core is biological. In my case, I have always been this way. Even as a small child, I preferred quiet spaces and one-on-one time. I did not enjoy busy places. They made me feel small or tired.

3. How It Differs From Extraversion 💭

Extroverts feel energized by people and social settings. They often enjoy fast-paced conversations, new environments, and large gatherings.

Introverts are different. We need quiet time to recharge. We might enjoy being around people, but not for too long. It is not about being unfriendly. It is about having a different energy system.

🇯🇵 Is Japan More Introvert-Friendly?

Most societies, especially in the West, reward people who are outgoing, talkative, fast-paced, and socially active. These traits are often seen as “stronger,” “healthier,” or “more successful.”

Especially in countries like the United States, Germany, France, and others, being extroverted is often seen as the ideal.

Children who speak up in class are seen as smart. Adults who go to parties and network are seen as socially healthy.

In some ways, yes, Japanese culture does leave more space for quietness, indirect communication, and non-verbal expression. Silence is often respected. People are not expected to constantly talk, and being reserved is not always seen as a flaw. Social harmony and enryo (restraint/modesty) are valued, which gives introverts a bit more room to exist without being pushed to be loud or expressive.

In schools, for example, a quiet student may not stand out too much. And in public, people are generally more reserved. You’re not expected to smile and talk to strangers or show strong emotions all the time.

But in other ways, the pressure is still there, just more subtle.

Even if the culture seems quieter on the surface, Japanese society still has strong expectations around fitting in, being polite, cooperative, and socially present. That can be hard for introverts, especially if they also struggle with anxiety or burnout.

So while Japan is not as aggressively extroverted as Western countries, introverts may still feel emotionally and socially drained — just in different ways.

🤍 Summary

Japan may seem more introvert-friendly because it allows silence and restraint. But there are still invisible expectations to blend in, participate socially, and suppress your individual needs. That can be just as exhausting, especially for introverts who also deal with mental health challenges.

4. It Is Not Shyness or Social Anxiety 💭

Many people confuse introversion with being shy or socially anxious. These are not the same.

Shyness is about fear of judgment. Social anxiety is a condition that creates fear or discomfort in social settings. Introversion is a preference for calm and low stimulation. An introvert can be confident and still need quiet. An extrovert can be outgoing but also anxious.

Because of this confusion, introverts are often misunderstood. But understanding the root of these traits can help separate them.

Why Introverts Can’t Just “Push Themselves to Be Extroverted” 💭

People often tell introverts things like:

“You just need to go out more”

“You’ll feel better once you’re around people”

“You should try to be more open and talkative”

These suggestions usually come from extroverts, people who can recharge through social settings and find energy in groups. But for introverts, it doesn’t work that way.

Introversion is not a temporary mood. It’s part of how our nervous system and brain are wired. Forcing an introvert to be constantly social doesn’t energize them, it exhausts them. Even if they try, it often leads to burnout, withdrawal, or self-doubt.

Ambiverts, who are in between, can sometimes stretch themselves in both directions. But introverts have limits. They can expand their comfort zone slowly, but they cannot “become” extroverts just because someone tells them to.

You can’t push someone into becoming what they are not. Telling an introvert to act extroverted is like telling someone to swim upstream when their natural rhythm is to float quietly with the current.

Real growth for introverts doesn’t come from changing their core nature. It comes from understanding it, accepting it, and learning how to navigate the world in ways that protect their energy while still allowing connection.

5. My Story 🙋🏻‍♀️

As a child, I was both shy and introverted. Later, I also developed social anxiety. For a long time, all of these blended together. But over time, I learned that even if I was not shy anymore, and even without anxiety, I would still be introverted.

When I was young, I could not stay too long in big events or school gatherings. I needed long breaks after. At the same time, I did not enjoy full isolation either. I needed someone close to me, just one person, to feel safe and to recover. That kind of quiet companionship was what helped me recharge.

I think the reason why I struggled to have friends when I was younger is not only because of shyness. I believe my introversion made it harder to keep up with social dynamics. I was slower, more quiet, and needed more pauses. But I was never completely alone. One deep connection was enough.

6. How It Feels Today 🙋🏻‍♀️💭

Now, I am no longer as shy as I used to be. But I still have social anxiety, which can make it harder for people to separate from my introversion. Still, I know myself well enough to say that I would be introverted either way.

This is how I experience it now:

🌸I need time to prepare before socializing, and time to recover after

🌸 I cannot have too many social plans in one day.

If I do, I feel extremely tired the next day and need quiet space

🌸 I enjoy doing things on my own, but I also like quiet presence with someone else

🌸 I avoid crowded, noisy places. I prefer stillness and intimacy

🌸 I only need one or two people close to me. That feels enough

University helped me realize this more clearly. My first university had a warm and quiet environment. I had a small group of friends and felt safe. But my second university was louder and had more people. That made me need even more alone time. Since I came to Europe (much more introverted than in Asia) and live far from my closest friends, I feel this even more. I do have one friend now, but I still need solitude to feel balanced.

7. How I Stay Social

Even as an introvert, I still find ways to connect. I enjoy sharing moments with others, as long as I can keep my rhythm.

Aside from school and seminars, I socialize through:

⛸️ Figure skating and aerial dance

👩🏻‍💻Language classes and language apps

💐 Flower arrangement workshops

💃🏻 Concerts or themed parties, especially K-pop or Taylor Swift

🎮 Occasionally online video games

When I am alone, I feel at peace. I write, read, listen to music, watch dramas, do skincare, bake, practice pottery, or meditate. I also enjoy cafés, museums, or parks alone, or with someone calm beside me.

Introversion has never stopped me from living. It just shaped how I live.

Final Thoughts 💭

Being introverted is not a limitation. It is a natural way of being. You do not need to fix it or explain it away. It deserves to be understood.

If you are introverted too, you are not broken. You do not need to push yourself to be someone you are not. Your quiet matters. Your rhythm is valid.

And if you care for someone who is introverted, try not to pressure them. Give them space. Their silence does not mean they do not care. Their calm does not mean disinterest.

They just live differently. And that is enough.

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A Note on Social Anxiety 🪶

While I’ve always been introverted, there’s something else that became part of my life later on — social anxiety.

I'm not sure, but I think I started struggling with it around the age of 21 or 22. It didn’t grow out of my introversion. It appeared separately, and it brought a different kind of weight. Social anxiety makes me feel nervous or even panicked in certain social situations, especially when I feel judged, not safe, or overwhelmed by expectations.

Sometimes, this leads me to isolate myself. But that isolation doesn’t come from my introversion. It comes from fear. The fear of saying something wrong, the fear of being misunderstood, the fear of being too much or not enough.

When I choose solitude as an introvert, it’s because I need it to recharge. When I avoid social situations because of anxiety, it’s because I feel frozen or afraid. The two experiences are not the same, even if they sometimes look similar from the outside.

Even today, I often stay on my own — unless I’m with my family or close friends. That’s where I feel most comfortable. That’s where I can be myself without pressure. Outside of that, I have to manage both my energy as an introvert and the anxiety that tells me to hide.

It’s not always easy. But I’ve learned to recognize the difference. And that helps me give myself more understanding and less blame.