Shojo, boy version? Guide to Being a Soft Boy 👦🏻💙

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

If you’re new here,

I’m Serina, or just Seri and I'm from Kobe 🇯🇵

I’m a social sciences student with a love for femininity, philosophy, and all things soulful, poetic, or a little bit forgotten by the modern world.

This blog, Seri’s World, is a reflection space.

I write about what I observe, what I feel, and what I long for, whether it’s Japan, femininity, anthropology or the quiet resistance of choosing a gentler way of living.

Lately, some boys have been asking me questions.

Like: “What would be the boy version of your shōjo style?”

I thought about it a lot. At first I was unsure.

And one word came softly to me like spring wind:

Soft boy.

But what does that mean?

1. What is a Soft Boy? 👦🏻

A soft boy is a boy or man who embraces a gentle, emotional, and aesthetically sensitive way of being.

He values vulnerability, tenderness, and quiet beauty whether through personality, creative expression, or style.

He doesn't reject masculinity, but redefines it, allowing space for warmth, emotion, and softness.

This type of boy may write poems, wear soft fabrics, love nature, be kind to animals, or cry during films.

He’s not performative, he simply exists differently in a world that often pressures boys to be emotionally closed or aggressive.

2. What Are the Origins? 👦🏻

The “soft boy” label became popular in the 2010s, especially on Tumblr, Instagram, and later TikTok.

It emerged partly as a response to toxic masculinity and the demand that men be “tough,” unemotional, or dominant.

But the concept goes beyond social media trends.

It draws from:

💙Indie/alternative culture

💙K-pop "soft concepts" (e.g. Jimin)

💙Anime and manga bishōnen characters

💙Literary romanticism and gentle figures from history

3. What is Subordinate Masculinity?

Coined by sociologist R.W. Connell, Subordinate Masculinity refers to expressions of masculinity that don’t align with the dominant (hegemonic) ideal.

This includes:

💧Gentle or emotional men

🏳️‍🌈Queer and gay men

⚔️Men who reject competition or control

🎨Men who embrace care, art, softness

These masculinities are often seen as “lesser” because they don’t fit patriarchal norms.

But they’re important : they challenge the narrow box that masculinity has been forced into for centuries.

4. Subordinate Masculinity or Soft Boys in History

While the phrase “soft boy” is quite new, the existence of gentle, emotionally expressive men—those who defy harsh, dominant ideals of masculinity—has deep roots throughout history and culture. These men often embodied what sociologists call subordinate masculinities: ways of being male that don’t conform to the aggressive, stoic, or controlling standards of patriarchy.

🌸 Masculinity in the Heian Period: A World of Elegance and Sensibility

Heian men—especially in the aristocracy—were expected to be cultured, graceful, and artistically skilled.

It was common (and admired) for men to:

📜 Write poetry and love letters with delicate calligraphy

🎼 Be fluent in music, incense rituals, and court etiquette

👕 Be judged on how elegantly they dressed, moved, and expressed themselves

Masculinity here wasn’t about aggression or domination, it was about taste, emotional intelligence, and beauty.

Heian men were expected to express longing, grief, love, jealousy, and nostalgia especially through poetry and personal reflection.

They were not mocked for crying, dreaming, or feeling deeply. In fact, a man who couldn't express emotion well might be seen as cold or immature.

📜 Many diaries and letters from noblemen include poems about the moon, cherry blossoms, or unspoken love. These weren’t feminine, they were sophisticated.

Outer appearance mattered. Long black hair, clean robes, layers of seasonal colors : all part of a noble man’s grace.

Men wore makeup (like whitening powder or perfume), kept long sleeves, and paid attention to seasonal symbolism.

This wasn't seen as weak. Rather, it was sign of refinement and education.

While aesthetics reigned, it didn’t mean Heian men weren’t powerful. They held rank, made political moves behind the scenes (often in competition with women), and practiced strategy.

But power was quiet, often poetic, and deeply tied to one's ability to move others with words or mood rather than force.

Samurai culture, which came after, saw the Heian court as beautiful but fragile—elegant, but impractical. This reflects a shift from poetic masculinity to martial masculinity.

🌹 Romantic Poets: John Keats, Percy Shelley, and Others (19th Century Europe)

The Romantic era in Europe celebrated emotion, imagination, and individual sensitivity especially in poetry.

Poets like Keats and Shelley lived intensely emotional lives, often haunted by fragility and longing.

Keats’s poetry is full of delicate imagery, evoking beauty, pain, and yearning. He was physically weak and died young but is remembered for his passionate soul.

Shelley was a dreamer, revolutionary, and a man who openly expressed his idealism and love.

These poets openly embraced feelings like love, despair, awe and rejected the cold rationalism of the Enlightenment. Their vulnerability, tenderness, and sensitivity challenged the masculine ideal of the strong, silent man.

The Romantic movement wasn’t just limited to the elite. Its ideas about emotion, nature, and individualism gradually spread across society through literature, music, and art.

Even working-class men could be moved by Romantic poetry or songs, especially when these spoke about freedom, suffering, or connection to the land.

🕯️ Japanese Monks and Aesthetes (Various Periods)

Throughout Japanese history, certain monks, artists, and aesthetes embodied soft masculinity in quiet, contemplative ways.

They practiced calligraphy, composed haiku, tended gardens, and observed the seasons with deep sensitivity.

Figures like Kobayashi Issa (1763–1828), a haiku poet and Buddhist priest, wrote about the small, fragile beauties of life often from a place of sorrow and empathy.

These men were not warriors but seekers of peace, softness, and harmony.

Their devotion to mono no aware (the gentle sadness of impermanence) reflects a masculinity that honors emotion and beauty rather than power or conquest.

🌬️ Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle (Modern Fantasy)

Howl is a fictional character created by Diana Wynne Jones and popularized in Studio Ghibli’s film.

He is mysterious, flamboyant, and emotionally vulnerable. His flowing hair, elegant clothing, and occasional vanity challenge traditional male stereotypes.

Yet beneath his theatrical exterior is a deeply caring and conflicted soul. Howl’s struggles with fear, love, and self-acceptance embody the soft boy spirit, a refusal to hide tenderness behind a mask of toughness.

🌿 What These Examples Teach Us

Across centuries and cultures, men who embody softness are not exceptions : they are part of a fuller, richer picture of what masculinity can be.

They show us that:

💧Emotional expression is human, not feminine or weak.

💇🏻‍♂️Beauty and grace can be masculine too.

❤️Gentleness is a quiet power.

💪🏻Vulnerability is courageous.

Yes, subordinate masculinities have rarely been the dominant or “normative” form of masculinity in any major culture or era especially not across all social classes. This doesn’t mean subordinate masculinities didn’t exist at all.

Some hunter-gatherer societies or indigenous cultures have different gender and masculinity structures with less rigid hierarchy, more cooperation, and more valued emotional openness in men.

In some matrilineal societies or those with gender complementarity, men’s roles might not emphasize dominance as strongly. But even there, forms of masculine authority often exist differently.

In some historical Asian courts (like Heian Japan) or ancient Mediterranean cultures, refined, poetic, or “softer” masculinities coexisted with warrior or dominant forms yet the latter usually held public power.

For example, expressions of masculinity—whether through color, behavior, or dress—are flexible and context-dependent.

In the 18th and 19th centuries in Western Europe and America, pink was often considered a strong, vibrant color suitable for boys, while blue was seen as delicate and appropriate for girls.

Pink, as a lighter red, was associated with strength, courage, and vitality : qualities linked to masculinity.

This was true for both aristocratic and commoner children, making pink a widespread masculine-coded color for boys at the time.

expressions of masculinity—whether through color, behavior, or dress—are flexible and context-dependent.

Soft boys wearing pastel tones, florals, or “feminine” colors like pink aren’t breaking entirely new ground : they are reviving and reshaping older, more fluid forms of masculinity.

History shows that masculinity isn’t static; it changes with culture, time, and social needs.

5. Soft Boy Aesthetic & Clothes

The soft boy doesn’t just feel gentle inside :he often expresses that softness through his style. His clothes and accessories become a quiet language, a way to show the world his tender spirit without shouting.

🌿 Loose and Comfortable Fits

Soft boys tend to avoid tight, body-conforming clothes that scream traditional masculinity or aggression.

Instead, they choose loose, flowing, or relaxed silhouettes that suggest ease and comfort.

Oversized sweaters, billowy shirts, and wide-leg trousers allow movement and freedom like clouds drifting softly in the sky.

This kind of dressing feels like an embrace rather than armor.

🎨 Pastels, Earth Tones, and Layering

Colors are never harsh or bold. Instead, soft boys favor:

Pastel hues: pale pinks, baby blues, lavender, mint green colors traditionally linked to softness and calm.

Earth tones: warm browns, creamy beiges, mossy greens, and gentle greys that root them in nature’s quiet palette.

Layering: combining textures and pieces thoughtfully—a thin turtleneck beneath a loose cardigan, or a soft scarf casually wrapped.

Layers are not just practical; they add a dreamy complexity, like pages of a delicate book.

🌸 Prints and Textures

Soft boys sometimes wear floral prints or subtle patterns : tiny blossoms on a shirt or delicate embroidery on a sweater.

These prints are not about being flashy but about whispering gentle beauty.

Vintage shirts or sweaters with faded colors add a nostalgic touch, like worn-in love letters.

Accessories like beanies, berets, or soft scarves often complete the look, creating a cozy, approachable aura.

🎒 Thoughtful Accessories

A soft boy’s accessories are small poems:

Canvas tote bags or leather satchels, often carrying books or notebooks.

Round glasses with thin frames, reminiscent of artists and dreamers.

Simple rings or bracelets. not heavy or ostentatious, but delicate, perhaps silver or woven thread.

Every detail feels intentional, like a secret shared with the world.

🌿 Natural Fabrics and Clean Grooming

The fabric choice matters: linen, cotton, knits, and soft wool are preferred.

They breathe and move gently with the wearer, never suffocating or forcing.

Beyond clothes, grooming is soft but deliberate.

Soft boys often embrace clean skincare routines : hydrated skin, light sunscreen, maybe a touch of tinted balm.

They usually avoid strong colognes, opting for light, natural scents: hints of citrus, lavender, or fresh herbs.

Their presence is subtle, inviting, not overwhelming.

🍃 Not Flashy, But Poetic

The soft boy’s style is not about impressing or standing out loudly.

It’s a quiet poetry : a whispered conversation between clothes, colors, and mood.

Someone who might spend afternoons reading beneath a tree, or watching raindrops trace patterns on a window.

They invite softness into a world that often rewards hardness.

And in doing so, they craft a gentle rebellion, one stitch, one color, one layer at a time.

6. What is a Mori Boy? 🌳

Mori boy (森ボーイ) literally means “forest boy” in Japanese.

It’s a subculture and aesthetic that grew as a natural counterpart to the more widely known mori girl trend both inspired by a deep love for nature, simplicity, and peaceful living.

🌲 A Boy Who Lives in the Forest

Imagine a boy who seems like he has just stepped out of a quiet, misty forest.

He wears clothes that look like they were chosen by the wind and sunlight filtering through leaves.

His style feels grounded, natural, and timeless like a character from a Studio Ghibli film, gentle and calm in a noisy, fast-paced world.

🧥 The Look: Layered, Earthy, and Textured

The Mori boy style is all about layers, soft cardigans over simple shirts, long coats that wrap gently like tree bark, scarves that protect from a cool breeze.

Colors are muted, earthy: warm browns, moss greens, soft creams, and gentle greys.

These tones blend seamlessly with nature rather than standing out.

Materials are natural and textured : wool, linen, hemp, cotton. They feel soft against the skin and age gracefully like old tree bark.

🎒 Accessories from the Forest

A Mori boy often carries satchels or canvas bags, ready for a walk in the woods or a quiet afternoon in a café with a book.

He might wear a knitted hat or a simple scarf, and perhaps a delicate wooden or stone bead bracelet, a small connection to the earth.

Plants, flowers, or even a notebook for sketching or writing might be part of his daily carry, showing a mindfulness and care for life’s quiet moments.

🌾 Personality and Energy

More than just clothing, being a Mori boy is a way of moving gently through the world:

Soft-spoken and thoughtful

Introverted or peacefully solitary, but not lonely

Attuned to the rhythms of nature : the changing seasons, the sound of wind in the trees

Appreciates quiet moments and deep, simple joys

This style is a gentle rebellion against urban noise, harshness, and the rush of modern life.

🍂 Like a Ghibli Character Come to Life

If you’ve ever watched Studio Ghibli films, you might picture a young boy walking through a forest, barefoot or in soft shoes, a scarf trailing behind him, eyes wide with curiosity and kindness.

That’s the Mori boy spirit : quiet, kind, and deeply connected to the world around him.

🌱 For Those Who Seek Calm

In a world that often demands loudness and speed, the Mori boy chooses calm and softness.

His style whispers, it doesn’t shout.

It invites you to slow down, breathe, and notice the beauty in small things: the rustle of leaves, the warmth of sunlight, the texture of worn fabric.

7. Why Is It Challenging to Be a Soft Boy?

Living as a soft boy in today’s world is often a quiet act of courage because society still deeply rewards masculine dominance : the kind of masculinity that prizes toughness, emotional control, and power.

From early childhood, boys are taught strict rules about how to be “a real man”:

“Don’t cry.” Tears are seen as weakness.

“Be a man.” Which usually means be strong, stoic, competitive.

“Stop being so sensitive.” Sensitivity is dismissed or ridiculed.

“Looking like that is gay.” Any deviation from masculine norms is policed, sometimes harshly.

Because of this, soft boys often face:

Mockery—called “too emotional,” “effeminate,” or worse.

Misunderstanding—people assuming softness means weakness or indecisiveness.

Fetishization—sometimes softness on men is romanticized in a shallow way, ignoring real emotional depth.

Within the fashion world, softness on men is sometimes treated as a trend : a phase young men go through rather than a serious, authentic way of being. This can make it harder for soft boys to feel truly accepted.

For straight men, the challenges multiply. They may be judged harshly by peers for stepping outside “traditional” masculinity, or rejected by potential partners who expect “strong, stoic” masculinity.

Men who show gentleness, care for their appearance (like skincare), or express emotions openly can be unfairly labeled as “gay,” regardless of their actual orientation.

Even if within these cultures, prejudices and stereotypes still exist, especially outside urban or youth cultures.

In parts of East Asia (Japan, Korea, parts of China), men taking care of their skin, using cosmetics, or adopting “soft” fashion styles is more socially accepted and often not linked to assumptions about sexuality.

Labeling soft boys as “gay” is a form of gender policing, it tries to control men’s behavior and expression by linking it to sexuality.

Why Soft Boys Need Safe Spaces

Because of all this, soft boys need spaces where kindness is strength, not a flaw.

Where emotional expression is welcomed, not hidden.

Where softness is honored as a genuine form of courage and humanity.

Soft boys are quietly reshaping masculinity, reminding us that it can include tenderness, vulnerability, and care.

Remember that masculinity is diverse and personal. There’s no single way to be a man.

Cultural norms are always evolving : soft masculinity is part of that change.

8. Is Soft Boy Just About Aesthetic, or Personality Too?

This is an important question, especially as “soft boy” has become a popular label online, sometimes for fashion or performance rather than true emotional openness.

Some people only adopt the aesthetic: pastel colors, loose shirts, gentle poses, dreamy vibes.

Others embody the personality and spirit: emotional honesty, empathy, vulnerability, kindness.

The Criticism of the “TikTok Soft Boy”

The “TikTok soft boy” trend has drawn criticism for being shallow or manipulative : a mask for boys who perform softness for attention or romantic gain without real depth.

This has caused some people to dismiss the entire concept unfairly.

What True Softness Means

Real softness is a way of being not just how you dress or act online.

It’s about:

Emotional honesty: Being willing to feel and express joy, sadness, fear, or love openly.

Gentleness with others: Listening carefully, offering kindness without judgment.

Sensitivity to the world: Noticing beauty, pain, or injustice and responding with care.

Choosing care over control: Valuing empathy rather than dominance.

Clothes Can Express This, But It Starts From Within

A soft boy’s clothes might be loose pastels or floral prints, but those are only symbols.

The real softness is inside : the courage to feel deeply, to be seen vulnerably, and to care fiercely.

Why Softness Is Strength

Softness is often mistaken for weakness because it looks quiet and gentle.

But it takes immense bravery to be soft in a world that rewards toughness.

Being soft means:

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable even when you risk hurt.

Choosing compassion in situations where anger or indifference would be easier.

Standing firm in your kindness, even when it’s misunderstood or ridiculed.

Soft boys teach us that true strength lives in softness in the power of empathy, tenderness, and emotional courage.

Why, Especially as Women, We Need Soft Boys in the World 🌍

As women, we live in a world that often feels heavy with harshness, pressure, and rigid expectations both for ourselves and for those around us.

We know all too well the toll that patriarchy takes: domination, emotional suppression, and a culture that prizes toughness over tenderness.

That’s why we need soft boys, men whose personalities are gentle, kind, and emotionally open.

Soft Boys Are a Gift to Women and to the World

Soft boys listen without judgment.

They show care without expecting control.

They allow emotions to flow freely, creating space for healing and understanding.

With soft boys, women don’t have to carry all the emotional labor alone.

We don’t have to hide our feelings or shrink ourselves to fit into a “strong woman” mold that’s defined by resistance and endurance.

Not Just “Nice Guys” But True Partners in Softness

This isn’t about “being nice” as a mask.

It’s about men who are truly soft inside who are brave enough to be vulnerable, gentle enough to nurture, and strong enough to resist toxic norms.

These soft boys help women breathe easier, dream bigger, and feel safer.

A Call for More Softness in Men—For Women’s Sake and Our Collective Future

We need more men who are soft in personality, not just in fashion or words.

Men who can hold space for emotions, kindness, and quiet strength.

Especially as women navigating a harsh world, these soft boys are not a luxury, they are a necessity.

They are part of the healing, part of the hope, and part of a kinder future.

Can Soft Boys Be Strong and Protective? 💪🏻⚔️

Some people think that softness in boys or men means weakness.

That if a man is emotionally vulnerable, kind, or expressive, he can’t be strong, masculine, or protective.

But this is a misunderstanding.

Softness is not the opposite of strength.

Soft boys can absolutely be physically capable, emotionally resilient, and protective sometimes even more so than traditionally “tough” men.

1. 🌱 Emotional Softness = Deeper Strength

Being soft emotionally doesn’t mean being fragile.

It means being in touch with one’s emotions, and able to handle others’ emotions too. That takes real inner strength.

A boy who cries, who admits when he’s scared, or who can comfort someone in pain is not weak : he’s brave enough to feel.

That’s emotional maturity, not fragility.

🌸 Modern psychology shows: emotional regulation, empathy, and vulnerability are markers of mental strength, not weakness.

(→ Source: Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability and shame)

2. 🛡️ Soft Boys Can Be Physical Protectors, Too

Many soft boys train their bodies just like anyone else.

They might practice martial arts, sports, dance, climbing, or gym workouts.

What makes them soft is not their body, it’s the energy they carry: calm, kind, respectful, and aware.

Think of martial arts masters in Japan or China. Many are soft-spoken, humble, and gentle in daily life but incredibly strong, focused, and capable of protecting others.

They value harmony over violence, but are not defenseless.

In fiction, soft protectors exist too:

Tanjirō Kamado (Demon Slayer) – soft, kind, cries often, but fiercely protects his sister

Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) – quiet, emotional, poetic but a skilled swordsman and strong leader

Prince Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke) – gentle eyes, respectful, emotionally mature—and a trained warrior

These men show us that softness and strength can walk together.

3. 🕊️ Soft Boys Often Protect Differently But Powerfully

Some protect through calm words.

Some by showing up emotionally for those in distress.

Some create safe emotional space.

Some notice when someone is hurting before anyone else does.

This kind of protection is not always physical but it is just as essential.

🌸 Studies show women often feel emotionally safer with emotionally intelligent men—men who can read moods, respond gently, and offer reassurance rather than control.

(→ Source: Gottman Institute, psychology of relationships)

4. 📜 Historical and Cultural Examples

Soft boys are not new.

Prince Genji (Heian Japan) – emotionally deep, artistic, and yet a powerful court presence

Samurais who practiced calligraphy – warriors who valued softness of the mind

Romantic poets like Keats and Shelley – sensitive, gentle, and yet brave enough to challenge societal norms

Taichi masters – move slowly, softly, yet carry great power and discipline

Their softness never erased their capability, it completed it.

🌷 Conclusion: The Bravest Boys Are Sometimes the Softest

We especially need soft boys who are also strong.

Because strength without softness can become control.

And softness without strength can feel insecure.

But when a boy is soft and strong, he becomes a protector in the truest sense:

Grounded, but open

Capable, but kind

Brave enough to defend, and gentle enough to understand

🌿 How to Be a Soft Boy in Today’s World: A Gentle, Pragmatic Guide

Being a soft boy doesn’t mean becoming someone else.

It means allowing the parts of you that are kind, emotional, quiet, artistic, or gentle to grow.

And that takes courage in a world that often tells boys to be the opposite.

1. 🧠 Start with Self-Awareness

Ask yourself:

Do I allow myself to feel emotions fully?

Am I afraid of being judged if I show softness?

Do I act tough out of habit or because I want to?

👉 Softness starts with honesty, even if only with yourself.

Try journaling or reflecting when you’re alone. Accept feelings without shame.

📌 Practical tip: Write down one emotion you felt today and why. No filters, no “man up.” Just truth.

2. 🫂 Be Kind, But Keep Boundaries

Soft boys are naturally caring but it’s easy to give too much and burn out.

Help others, yes but don’t self-abandon.

Learn to say “no”. That’s softness with strength.

Offer kindness, not people-pleasing.

📌 Practice: Before saying “yes” to anything, pause and ask yourself: “Am I okay with this? Or am I afraid of disappointing someone?”

3. 💬 Express Emotion, Calmly and Clearly

You don’t have to cry openly or pour your heart out all the time.

But soft boys say : I’m not okay right now” when they’re low.

Apologize when they’re wrong

Speak about how they feel, not just what they think.

📌 Mini goal: Practice saying “That hurt my feelings” or “I’m happy about this” instead of hiding emotions.

4. 👕 Dress to Reflect Your Inner Self

Style is expression. If you want to look soft, try:

Earth tones, pastels, cream, soft greys

Loose, comfy fits: knits, cardigans, linen shirts

Layered textures: cotton, corduroy, wool

Accessories like rings, scarves, or canvas totes

But don’t copy trends : let your style match your energy.

📌 Try this: Swap one “tough” or dark piece of clothing for something gentler in color or shape this week.

5. 📚 Be Curious, Gentle, and Introspective

Soft boys often have a deep inner world.

They:

📖 Read

💭Reflect

🎨Appreciate beauty and art

🧘🏻‍♂️ Observe more than they speak

Being “soft” isn’t passive, it’s attentive.

📌 Habit: Dedicate 15 minutes a day to something that quiets you : writing, sketching, watering plants, reading a poem.

6. 🛡️ Stay Soft in a Hard World Without Shrinking

Being soft doesn’t mean being weak.

Speak up when something feels wrong. 💪🏻

Set firm boundaries 💪🏻

Don’t allow others to label you “less of a man”.

Your softness is a choice, not a lack.

📌 Mantra: “I don’t need to be hard to be strong. My gentleness protects me and others.”

7. 💙 Connect With Women and Other Soft Boys

Find people women, queer folks, sensitive men who honor your softness, not mock it.

These people will become your safe space.

Avoid relationships (romantic or not) where softness is used against you.

📌 Goal: Start one honest conversation with someone about emotional strength or softness this month.

8. 🌸 Embrace Masculinity—Your Way

You don’t have to reject masculinity : you just redefine it.

Your masculinity can be:

Protective, but not controlling

Expressive, not shut down

Beautiful, not rugged

Present, not performative

There is no one way to be a man. You can be a soft one and still be whole.

Final Gentle Reminder 🌙

The world might not always make space for soft boys.

So sometimes, you’ll have to create that space yourself.

By being soft and brave anyway, you give others permission to be gentle too.

And that, in itself, is a kind of quiet revolution.

Here to know more about it :

What is a Softboy? Slang Meaning, Personality, Fashion Trend & More

Here to read 📖