My Journey to Self-Acceptance: "if you don't like it, change it" 🌷(how I turned my insecurities into confidence?)

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

We all go through phases in life where we struggle to accept ourselves. Whether it’s battling insecurities, facing external pressures, or simply not feeling “good enough,” the journey toward Self-appreciation can often feel overwhelming.

For a long time, I too struggled with these feelings. I believed I wasn’t enough ; too shy, too chubby, not beautiful enough, not confident enough. But along the way, I learned that self-worth isn't about fitting into someone else’s idea of who I should be. It’s about accepting who I am ; flaws, quirks, and all and embracing the person I’m becoming.

In this post, I want to share my personal journey toward learning to validate myself.

From discovering the importance of self-esteem and self-respect to exploring my own unique style, I’ve learned that self-kindness is a lifelong process. And it starts with small, everyday practices that gradually build a foundation of confidence, kindness, and acceptance toward myself.

🌷The beginning

When I was younger, I often felt behind. I thought I was too chubby, not as pretty as the others. I wore a lot of makeup to hide my insecurities. I was also very shy and didn’t have many friends, and I thought it was because of how I looked.

There was a time, in pre-adulthood era where I truly hated myself. It lasted for months. I was in a depressive state and I couldn’t stand not just my appearance, but also who I was. I criticized my behavior, my personality, everything. I thought that was the reason why nobody loved me. So I tried to be someone else. I became a people pleaser. I thought if I sacrificed my truth, I’d finally be worthy of love.

But it only made things worse. I felt heavy. Empty. Lost.

🌷 Religion was liberating for a time

During that time, I turned to spirituality. And it helped. It reminded me that the way I was created : my soul, my body.... was not a mistake. I was the result of something greater: nature, love of my parents, even divinity. I began to strip away the artificial layers : no more makeup, no more pretending and I began to face myself as a simple human being.

Through this lens, I saw myself differently. I stopped comparing myself to man-made standards of beauty, and started seeing my body as something that was made to help me live. To breathe, to move, to exist. I began to be grateful. My body functions. I’m healthy. That is a gift.

That gratitude led me to work on my self-esteem, not yet self-love, but the beginning of it. I realized I didn’t have to be good at everything. But I could be good at something. Even if I didn’t like certain things about myself, I told myself: “Then change it.” And I did. Not out of hate, but out of the hope that I could feel more in harmony with myself.

I read a lot about self-worth, and it helped me see that people-pleasing didn’t bring me happiness. I wasn’t meant to be shaped by only the opinions of others. I started becoming more anti-conformist. I found my style. I embraced it even when I wasn’t confident, even when I was afraid. I started to become me.

🌷The beginning of the journey.

That’s when I discovered self-empathy.

I had always been kind to others, but why was I so harsh on myself? I’m not a bad person. So why treat myself like one? I decided: if I want to live peacefully with myself, I need to be gentle with myself too.

With time, I became someone who respected her body, her soul. I had self-respect, self-esteem, and a personal style that reflected my softness. I started wearing makeup again : not to hide, but to express. To bloom.

Years passed, and I became more confident in who I was. I stopped being a people pleaser. I gave myself permission to exist as I am. I fell in love with soft, feminine aesthetic pink, coquette, dollette because that’s when I feel most me.

🌷Me, myself and I today

Today, I don’t always look in the mirror thinking I’m perfect. But I look with more kindness. I look with more empathy and understanding. I don’t call it self-love, not yet. I call it acceptance. I don’t pretend to be confident in everything but I know I’m capable. With effort, with gentleness, I can grow.

I’m sensitive, soft, a little different and I now know, that is a strength. That’s what half the world is missing.

I’m glad to be me.

I realized something crucial: I’m the main character of my life, and I’ll be with myself for the rest of my days, I’ll be in my head for the rest of my life too. Life is tough enough, so I choose to make my life a good place to be. Embracing who I am ; accepting my flaws, my style, my personality has been the key to my journey of self-acceptance.

Note : I don't call it self love. "Self-love" can be a more general, all-encompassing feeling of love toward oneself, often tied to deep affection or care. It involves nurturing yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. However, you might feel that "self-respect," "self-esteem," and "self-empathy" resonate more with your journey because they focus more on personal growth, acceptance, and treating yourself with dignity. This is my case.

I live by the same motto:

“If you don’t like something, change it.”🌷

Key Concepts from My Self-Acceptance Journey🌷

1. Anti-conformity🌷

Nonconformity isn't about rejecting everything, it’s about choosing what genuinely resonates with you, even if it goes against the norm. It helps you glow by honoring your uniqueness without feeling pressured to "blend in."

It’s the moment you stop trying to look like everyone else, think like everyone else, or live like everyone else… and start choosing what feels true. For me, it was my thoughts and my style. I had ideas that didn’t match the world around me. I had a softness I didn’t want to hide. I loved femininity, delicacy, and calm. The day I allowed myself to show that pink, bows, books, slowness, was the day I began to bloom. Not louder, just more me.

2. Self-respect 🌷

Self-respect is the regard and appreciation you have for yourself, rooted in your own values, principles, and sense of worth. It means recognizing your right to be treated with dignity and refusing to tolerate disrespect, from others or from yourself. It's about maintaining integrity, setting boundaries, and acting in alignment with your beliefs even when it's difficult.

Self-respect is not only about how others treat you but also how you treat yourself. It involves caring for your own well-being, speaking kindly to yourself, and making choices that honor your needs and boundaries. It’s about valuing yourself enough to make decisions that align with your worth and principles.

You know what’s acceptable and what’s not. Say no when needed and don’t feel guilty about it.

3. Self-esteem 🌷

Self-esteem is your belief in your abilities and your value as a person. It’s not about thinking you’re perfect, it’s about knowing you have potential and worth. Developing self-esteem helped me stop comparing myself to others. I began to acknowledge my strengths, while also accepting that I’m still learning and growing.

4. Self-empathy 🌷

Self-empathy is the ability to understand and care for your own emotions. It’s giving yourself compassion instead of harsh judgment. I used to be extremely critical of myself, but learning self-empathy allowed me to treat myself gently, especially in moments of sadness or failure, just as I would treat a friend.

5. Image Consulting 🌷

Image consulting is the practice of helping someone align their outward appearance with who they truly are or how they want to be perceived. It’s not about changing who you are to fit trends, it’s about discovering your personal colors, shapes, styles, and details that highlight your uniqueness and boost your confidence.

It includes things like clothing choices, makeup, hairstyle, posture, and even how you express yourself, all used as tools to reflect your identity, values, and goals in a harmonious way.

🌷Here’s how each of these can help someone truly glow from within during their self-acceptance journey :

🌷1. Anti-conformity — Dare to be You

Advice:

Start small. One outfit. One thought. One choice that’s truly yours.

Let your style reflect your softness or your strength. Let your ideas be gentle, dreamy, angry, wise whatever is yours. You don’t owe anyone a performance. Your style and your ideas are a canvas. Paint it without fear.

🌷Subjectivism — Trusting your truth in a loud world

How it helps:

Subjectivism is the doctrine that "our own mental activity is the only unquestionable fact of our experience". In this context, it reminds you that your experiences, feelings, and thoughts are valid even if they don't match the crowd. It means you don’t need the whole world to agree with you in order to believe in what you feel because everything is subjective. Combined with nonconformity, it becomes a quiet rebellion: not to oppose the world, but to stay true to your own.

In a world where you're told what's beautiful, what's successful, or what's right, subjectivism says:

"But what if I choose for myself?"

This idea helped me accept that my softness isn’t weakness, that loving pink or being sensitive isn’t silly. These are parts of my truth. I don’t need to justify them to others.

Not everyone will like your style, your ideas, or your choices. But the ones who do will love the real you. Would you rather be liked for a mask or respected for your truth?

If people mock or criticize, respond with silence or a soft smile. Don’t internalize mockery, reject it, learn from useful feedback only. People reject what they don’t understand or what challenges the norm. Consistency builds respect, people adjust when they see you stand firm.

You can't control others, only your response.

It says, I’m not here to prove : I’m here to live.

🌷2. Self-respect — Set your own standards

Advices:

🌸Value Your Needs: Prioritize your well-being, health, and mental peace. Don’t neglect yourself for others.

🌸Act with Integrity: Be honest with yourself and others. Stay true to your values, even in tough situations.

🌸 Self-Care: Treat yourself kindly and invest in activities that nurture your body, mind, and soul.

🌸Stop Tolerating Disrespect: Recognize when others are treating you poorly and stand up for yourself. you or mistreat you.

🌸Forgive Yourself: Don’t be harsh on your mistakes. Learn from them and move forward.

🌸 Surround Yourself with Respectful People: Build relationships with those who uplift and appreciate you.

🌷3. Self-esteem — See your worth

How it helps:

Believing in your capabilities pushes you to try, even when it’s scary. You glow by being proud of your progress, not perfection.

Advice:

🌸 Acknowledge Your Strengths: Focus on what you’re good at and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

🌸Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, challenge it with a more realistic perspective.

🌸 Set Achievable Goals: Accomplishing small goals boosts your sense of competence and confidence.

🌸 Accept Compliments: Learn to receive praise graciously without downplaying it. You deserve it!

🌸 Take Care of Your Body: Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and rest can improve both your physical and mental well-being.

🌸 Embrace Imperfection: Loss is a natural part of life, and no one is perfect. Accepting mistakes or failures allows you to learn and grow from them.

🌸Practice Resilience: Understand that setbacks don’t define you. The ability to bounce back is where true strength lies.

🌷4. Self-empathy — Be your own safe place

How it helps:

Self-empathy helps you heal, grow, and build inner peace. When you're kind to yourself instead of harsh, you reduce guilt, shame, and burnout. It makes you more emotionally resilient, improves your mental health, and helps you handle failure or rejection without losing your sense of worth. It also deepens your understanding of others because when you’re softer with yourself, you become softer with the world too.

Advice:

🌸 Acknowledge your feelings – Don’t ignore pain or sadness. Allow it, name it, and understand it.

🌸 Treat yourself with care – Rest when you need. Eat when you’re hungry. Protect your energy like you matter, because you do.

🌸 Talk to yourself gently – Replace harsh self-talk with the words you’d use for a friend.

🌷5. Image Consulting — Express your inner self

How it helps:

✨Boosts self-esteem – When your appearance matches your inner self, you naturally feel more confident and authentic. You’re not hiding, you’re expressing.

✨Gives you control over your narrative – Instead of letting others define who you are, your style becomes a personal message: “This is me.”

✨Reduces anxiety in social situations – Feeling like yourself, even in a crowd, gives you a sense of grounding and comfort.

✨Encourages self-discovery – Exploring what styles, colors, and shapes feel good helps you understand your evolving identity.

✨Creates a safe space within yourself – Your wardrobe becomes a form of emotional support. Like a soft armor, it reminds you who you are especially when the world feels confusing or harsh.

Advice:

🌼Know your body, but don’t let it limit you – Understand your body shape to highlight your natural beauty, but never let “rules” dictate your expression.

🌼Define how you want to feel – Feminine, bold, soft, creative? Dress for the emotions you want to embody not for trends or others’ tastes.

🌼Choose colors that uplift you – Pay attention to the colors that make you glow (inside and out). They often align with your personality and mood.

🌼Create a moodboard of your style identity – Pinterest, magazine clippings, or just photos gather what feels “you” and slowly bring it into your wardrobe.

🌼 Mix inspiration with authenticity – It’s okay to be inspired by aesthetics (like coquette, softcore, vintage), as long as you don’t lose your own identity in them.

🌼 Accept evolving taste – Your style will change as you grow, and that’s healthy. Let your clothes follow your inner evolution, not freeze you in time.

Read books, follow certified consultants online, or even take short courses if you’d like to go deeper.

🌷Conclusion: Embracing the Journey.

Self-acceptance, self-respect, self-esteem, and self-empathy are not overnight transformations, they are ongoing practices.

My journey wasn’t linear, and it wasn’t easy. It took years of introspection, learning, and unlearning to get to where I am today. But each phase, from struggling with insecurities to exploring the world of image consulting, helped me uncover pieces of myself that I now embrace with gratitude.

The key is not perfection. It's about being patient with yourself, treating yourself with kindness, and recognizing your worth, even when it's hard. Whether it’s experimenting with your personal style, setting boundaries, or simply allowing yourself to make mistakes and grow, the journey is yours to define.

Remember, self-acceptance isn’t a destination, it’s a practice. And through everything, the most important thing is to be yourself, in all your complexity.

In this journey, you’re your own best friend, your own advocate. Trust yourself. You’ve always had what it takes to shine.