Misanthropy wrapped in Empathy (how am I misanthropic and empath) 🌷

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Samuel Johnson

At first glance, it seems contradictory : how can someone feel so deeply for others, yet also feel deeply disappointed by humanity as a whole? How can someone care so much it hurts, and still feel distant, disillusioned, or even frustrated with people?

This is the quiet paradox I live with.

I’m both an empath and not fully but at times, a misanthrope. I ache when I see others in pain. I notice the emotions people try to hide. I instinctively reach for kindness. But at the same time, I’ve seen enough of human cruelty, ignorance, and selfishness to make me question whether we’re capable of doing better. I don’t hate individuals, I often care too much but I struggle to love the collective idea of humanity.

The word "humanity" can have a few meanings depending on context. It sometimes refers to kindness, empathy, and moral feeling. I refer here to the human race.

It’s not about superiority. It’s about heartbreak. This world could be so beautiful, and people could be so kind. But too often, they aren’t. And when you feel everything, that truth is hard to bear.

So how do you live with both? How do you hold space for compassion while carrying disillusionment?

This post is about exploring that contradiction not to solve it, but to understand it.

🌷1. What is Misanthropy?

Misanthropy is the general distrust or dislike of humankind as a whole. It's not necessarily about hating individuals, but rather feeling disillusioned or disappointed by human behaviors, systems, and repeated patterns often including violence, hypocrisy, selfishness, and destruction. A misanthrope might feel alienated from society or cynical about collective human actions.

🌷2. Why Do People Become Misanthropes?

Misanthropy often develops from observation and experience.

People may become misanthropic after seeing widespread injustice, cruelty, corruption, or a consistent pattern of selfishness in human behavior.

It’s sometimes born from deep disappointment, from hoping for better and being let down. It can also come from personal experiences of betrayal, abuse, or social rejection, but not always.

Some misanthropes are idealists at heart who turned cold after too much evidence of indifference or cruelty.

🌷3. Being Misanthrope Yet Benevolent

Contrary to the stereotype, many misanthropes are not violent or hateful.

They may dislike humanity as a “concept" but still value peace, justice, and kindness.

They might prefer distance from social groups, but still wish no harm on others.

Some are deeply principled, they just feel that society rarely lives up to the values it claims to promote.

A misanthrope can volunteer, help others, donate, or care deeply.

Disliking humanity’s flaws doesn’t mean being indifferent to suffering.

🌷4. Being Empath and Misanthrope

This is where a paradox appears.

How can someone feel deeply for others, yet distrust or dislike humanity?

But it happens more often than we think.

An empathic misanthrope might feel emotionally overwhelmed by how often people hurt each other.

They don’t feel distant because they don’t care, they feel distant because, they do care.

They might isolate to protect their emotional well-being, not out of apathy.

This kind of person can cry for someone’s pain, even if they’ve lost faith in people’s ability to change.

🌷5. Living as a Misanthrope (Disliking Humanity, Loving Individuals)

Many misanthropes find they dislike humanity in the abstract, wars, politics, greed, hypocrisy.

But when it comes to individuals, they often feel connected, even curious.

A misanthrope might distrust “people” but still love their best friend, enjoy small acts of kindness, or admire someone’s integrity.

They may choose solitude, or small trusted circles, rather than large groups.

They often prefer sincerity over social niceties, and value actions more than words.

Being a misanthrope doesn’t mean shutting down emotionally. It means living with a sense of realism about society, while still protecting one's capacity for care and connection.

🌷The Empathic Misanthrope in a Soft Nihilist World.

It’s not always easy to live with this worldview.

I often feel disconnected from the world. Relationships outside of family, especially romantic ones, can feel nearly impossible to build. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to believe in something lasting. I feel like I hate people, yet when I look at someone in pain, I still care deeply. I can’t help it. I don’t want to see others suffer, even if I feel humanity as a whole is reckless, selfish, or incapable of change.

Sometimes, I’m what people call a slacktivist not because I don’t care, but because I often feel powerless. Like the world is broken in a way that can’t be fixed by one voice. And maybe, just maybe, humans aren’t naturally built for peace or fairness. I don’t have a clear answer to that. But I’ve seen enough to feel both exhausted and heartbroken by it.

🌷Misanthropy Isn’t Always Antisocial.

It’s often misunderstood that misanthropes are antisocial or avoid people altogether. But that’s not always the case, at least, not for me.

I’m not antisocial. I don’t actively reject social interactions or seek to harm anyone. In fact, I enjoy connecting with people on a one-on-one basis, sharing meaningful conversations, or simply being kind. But I do recognize I have some asocial tendencies, I can prefer solitude, or find myself pulling away from larger social groups or meaningless interactions (considering that I'm also pretty introverted).

I’m afraid of what people are capable of, especially men. It’s not about hating all individuals, but about being on guard, constantly aware of how much harm humans can cause. I walk through the world with caution because I’ve seen or felt enough to know that trust isn’t always safe. I wish I could relax more around others, but my misanthropy whispers warnings, making it hard to let my guard down. And even though I try to stay open, a part of me still flinches at the idea of being vulnerable in a world where cruelty is so common.

My misanthropy stems from a broader disillusionment with humanity itself, more specifically, the cruelty, ignorance, and destructive patterns we seem to repeat.

Again, this is not about rejecting individual people, but rather questioning the collective behavior of humankind.

So no, being a misanthrope doesn’t mean I avoid all people, it just means I need space from the world at large, while still valuing the deep connections I form with some individuals.

🌷 A quiet decision:

As a misanthrope, let's not turn into monsters.

Even when the world is cruel. Even when others are hypocrites or selfish. Even if life has no inherent meaning. Even if morality is subjective. Even if we are just temporary guests in this world.

Empathy may not be logical. It may not be rewarded. But it’s real in me. It’s not tied to a rule or belief system, it just is.

So even in my misanthropy, I try to live with care.

Even in my nihilism, I create beauty.

Even in my doubt, I try to protect what is soft and human in me.

Because if the world won’t change, at least I can choose not to become what I hate.

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🌷Are we, humans, born good or bad?

The question of whether people are born "bad" or inherently flawed is one that has been debated for centuries.

First of all, nature doesn't inherently operate with concepts of "good" or "bad."

It simply exists, driven by natural laws, survival, and the cycles of life. The ideas of morality are human constructs, something we’ve created to help us make sense of the world around us, to organize societies, and guide our behaviors.

In nature, survival is the primary goal. The concept of "good" behavior may align with behaviors that promote survival and cooperation, like protecting one's young or working together in a group.

However, nature also has a brutal side, predation, competition, and death are all part of life. This doesn't make these actions "bad" in the natural sense, but it can feel that way when humans apply their moral lenses to these actions.

Humans, in particular, have the ability to reflect on their actions and develop a sense of morality. Over time, we’ve built these complex ethical systems, but they're ultimately shaped by our cultures, experiences, and environment. And since humans are a part of nature, they too are not immune to the raw, sometimes harsh instincts of survival such as greed, fear, and self-preservation that exist in the natural world.

Some philosophers, like John Locke, believed that humans are born as a blank slate, with no inherent goodness or badness. Our experiences, environment, and upbringing shape us into who we become. According to this view, people are not born "bad," but their actions can be influenced by the circumstances around them.

There are also views like those of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who argued that humans are inherently good but become corrupted by society. According to this perspective, people are born with a natural sense of compassion, empathy, and goodness, but societal structures can lead them astray.

On the other hand, thinkers like Thomas Hobbes believed that humans are inherently selfish and driven by the need for self-preservation, and that society and moral codes are needed to curb our baser instincts.

If you speak French, there's a very interesting video from Le Précepteur.

In this view, humans have the potential for badness from birth.

Many modern psychologists take a more nuanced approach. They suggest that humans are born with a mix of potential for both good and bad behavior, influenced by genetic, environmental, and social factors. Research in psychology shows that humans are born with basic emotions like fear and anger, but also with the capacity for empathy, cooperation, and bonding.

Humans, from our human vocabulary, have a great deal of potential for both good and bad. Not just good. Not just bad.

What is hard for me, is the lack of an inherent moral code in nature that places the responsibility on us to create and enforce our own systems of right and wrong. This burden can be overwhelming because it means we have to navigate complex ethical dilemmas, constantly questioning what is truly "right" in a world full of contradictions and grey areas.

In a world where humans can act with such power, it can feel like the responsibility is even greater. In a sense, the absence of a universal moral compass means we have to constantly define our own, which leads to a lot of confusion, conflict, and struggle, because everyone has a different perspective on what is right or just.

That burden often feels heavier when we see the harm humans can do to one another and the world around them. With no set guidelines, it can be difficult to make choices that feel universally "good" when everything is subjective.

For this reason, being human comes with a unique set of challenges, and the absence of an inherent moral code is a significant one. We are constantly tasked with creating meaning, navigating complex emotions, and making decisions that don’t always have clear answers. It’s a lot of responsibility, and it can be exhausting at times, especially when we’re faced with the contradictions and imperfections of humanity.

We have the ability to think, reflect, and question, but those very abilities can also lead to feelings of uncertainty, disillusionment, and doubt.

The fact that we have to define right and wrong ourselves and that these definitions vary from person to person, culture to culture means there’s no clear guide to follow, and this can create confusion and inner conflict.

Even though it's not always easy, the very act of questioning and striving for something better is part of what it means to be human.

But here's the thing: “better” can be fluid and ever-changing. What might seem better in one moment or stage of life might shift as we grow. The very act of questioning what it means to be better asking yourself what really matters and what you value most is a way of moving forward.

After all, we’re all just passing through, trying to make sense of the journey while we’re here.

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Vocabulary :

Slacktivism is a blend of "slacker" and "activism". It describes actions that show support for a cause but require minimal effort or commitment like sharing a post, signing an online petition, or changing a profile picture.

People often criticize slacktivism because it doesn’t always lead to real-world change, but it can help raise awareness or show solidarity, especially when done thoughtfully.

In this context, it reflects that I care but sometimes feel too overwhelmed or powerless to fully act.

Wanting to change the world, feeling the weight of it, but also sensing its vastness, stubbornness, and resistance. It's like standing with a candle in a storm and still trying to keep it lit.

Even if you can’t change everything, you’re still changing something.

My mom said : Your kindness to children, your honesty in writing, the way you think carefully and feel deeply ; that already shifts the world around you, even in ways you might never see directly.

Not all revolutions are loud. Some happen quietly, one soft-hearted person at a time.

And maybe that’s enough.

🌷Some relatable quotes :

I AM MISANTHROPE YET UTTERLY BENEVOLENT

ALFRED NOBEL

I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day.

GREEN MILE

It's amazing to me how hard people work to maintain a life they hate.

Steve Maraboli

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

William Shakespeare

IF THERE IS TRUE EVIL IN THIS WORLD, IT LIES IN THE HEART OF MANKIND.

EDWARD MORRISON