Enemies by Design, Not by Nature 🌸

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Women are women’s worst enemies.” It gets thrown around in everyday conversations, online arguments, even in media. And while it might sound like a simple truth — that women are inherently jealous, cruel, or competitive with each other — it’s actually a reflection of something much deeper.

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

I'm passionate by sociology especially gender roles and understanding the roots of misogyny.

This blog post today explore the thema :

What if women aren’t naturally at odds with one another but were shaped to be that way?

Let's explore how internalized misogyny, competition for survival, and systems of patriarchal power have designed division between women, not because of who women are, but because of what they’ve been taught to believe about themselves and each other.

Women aren’t naturally cruel to one another. But they’ve been conditioned to compete, distrust, and judge each other in a system that thrives when they’re divided.

1. Competing for Male Approval 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

In many societies, a woman’s access to safety, love, or opportunity depends on male validation. That means:

Being the “good girl” can feel safer than being the feminist.

⮕Standing out might mean losing favor.

⮕Judging or distancing from other women becomes a survival tool, not a moral flaw.

Women are taught (explicitly or subtly) that their well-being depends on how much men approve of them. This includes being liked, protected, chosen, or supported — especially in cultures where men hold more social, economic, or physical power.

This turns sisterhood into a competition.

So:

⮕Being agreeable, self-sacrificing, or quiet is often rewarded.

⮕Being outspoken, critical, or assertive — especially as a feminist — can bring pushback, ridicule, or even danger.

That’s why many women default to being the “good girl” not because they agree with the status quo, but because it feels safer. And honestly, in some situations, it is safer.

2. Internalized Misogyny 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

From childhood, women hear the same toxic messages men do about how women are “too emotional,” “catty,” “attention-seeking,” or “less rational.” Some women absorb these messages so deeply that they start to believe them, and act on them.

It’s not hate. It’s conditioning.

At the same time, many people believe men are “simpler” or less emotional. But actually, men are often taught not to show emotions openly. So it looks like they have fewer feelings or are less complicated, but it’s really just a different kind of pressure, one that tells them to hide or ignore their emotions.

Are men simplier? 🌱

Men aren’t simpler, they’re just socialized differently. Society often teaches men to hide or downplay their emotions, so it might look like they’re less complicated or less emotional. But underneath, men experience a full range of feelings just like anyone else.

For some people, being around men who don’t express much emotionally might feel more predictable or “calm,” because there are fewer visible emotional reactions to deal with. That can feel easier on the surface, especially if someone is uncomfortable with emotional intensity.

3. Lack of Collective Power 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

Men often move in packs and defend each other, even when they shouldn’t. Women, however, are rarely taught to protect each other “at all costs.”

They’re taught to:

⮕“Stay in your lane.”

⮕“Don’t make waves.”

⮕“Don’t get involved in her drama.”

This makes solidarity feel optional or even dangerous.

When women defend each other, the consequences can be both empowering and challenging.

Women who defend each other — especially against men in power — may be labeled "difficult," "dramatic," or "man-haters."

They may face social, professional, or even physical consequences.

Speaking out can mean losing approval, relationships, or opportunities — especially in workplaces, families, or communities where silence is expected.

🇯🇵In Japan....

... for example, women particularly during Edo period Japan (1603–1868) and even into the Meiji era (1868–1912), women were often socially isolated, not just from men, but also from each other. This isolation was deeply rooted in both Confucian ideals and the hierarchical structures of Japanese society at the time.

In hidden letters, poetry, shared rituals, and caregiving, traces of female solidarity survived. And in the 20th century, Japanese women's rights movements began to actively challenge these long-standing patterns.

When women began to connect with each other, even in small, quiet ways, it transformed their lives and gradually started shifting society.

When women support each other, they challenge the isolation that patriarchy often creates. It builds community and collective power.

Since many of them internalize competition or mistrust toward other women. Defending each other can help unlearn that conditioning and heal those wounds.

Women and accountability 🌱

Women often don’t defend other women blindly, and that’s not necessarily a flaw, it can actually reflect a sense of accountability and moral clarity.

It’s often said that “women don’t defend each other the way men do.” But maybe that’s not always a weakness, maybe it’s a sign of something else.

> Women, in many cases, choose not to defend other women when they’ve done harm.

Not out of rivalry, but out of principle.

Whereas some men instinctively protect each other — even in the face of abuse, misconduct, or violence — many women are more likely to approach situations with scrutiny and caution. That objectivity can be a strength.

It shows that sisterhood isn’t about blind allegiance, it’s about ethics, discernment, and care for justice.

But the downside? This lack of automatic solidarity can also leave victims more isolated and less protected especially when they need it most.

So the real challenge is:

> Can women build loyalty without sacrificing accountability?

And can men learn to support each other without covering for harm?

4. Blaming Women Instead of Men 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

When something bad happens, women are often encouraged to look sideways, not upward.

⮕If he cheats, blame her.

⮕If you’re harassed, what did you do?

⮕If you don’t feel supported, it’s because other women hate you.

This deflects attention from male accountability and keeps women locked in cycles of blame and mistrust.

Another painful truth: when women are hurt by men, they often redirect their anger toward other women especially in cases of betrayal, cheating, or abuse.

The “other woman” becomes the villain, while the man — the one who chose to lie or betray — is sometimes spared the full blame.

Why?

Because confronting men, especially those with power or emotional control, can feel dangerous, hopeless, or too costly.

So instead, women may find it easier to direct their pain toward other women, who feel like “safer targets.”

It’s not right, but it’s a symptom of a deeper fear: that standing up to men will cost them more than it’s worth.

Taught to See Other Women as the Problem 🌱

From a young age, many women are fed the idea that other women are threats : seductive, sneaky, manipulative.

Religious and cultural narratives often portray women as temptresses, responsible for leading men astray from Eve in the Garden to the modern trope of the “homewrecker.”

So when a man cheats or betrays, it’s not uncommon for the woman he hurt to blame the other woman.

⮕“She knew what she was doing.”

⮕“She seduced him.”

⮕“She ruined everything.”

This belief system protects the man — painting him as weak, helpless, or a victim of feminine trickery — while the woman he hurt redirects her rage toward a fellow woman.

In many cultures, when a man behaves badly, people often say things like:

⮕“He must not have been raised right.”

⮕“Where was his mother?”

⮕“His mom probably spoiled him.”

Even though he’s a grown adult, responsibility is shifted onto a woman — often his mother — as if her parenting explains or excuses his behavior. This is a form of misogyny and emotional outsourcing, where:

⮕Men are, again, not held fully accountable for their actions.

⮕Women (especially mothers) are blamed for men's choices.

⮕Women become the default scapegoats for male dysfunction.

And it goes beyond moms. If a man cheats, people might blame the girlfriend or wife for “not keeping him happy.” If he’s angry, it’s because a woman “pushed him.” The blame constantly circles back to women, no matter the situation.

The most painful part: many women believe it too.

Because from a young age, women are taught to be caretakers, peacekeepers, and emotionally responsible for others especially men. So when something goes wrong, they often internalize the blame without even questioning it.

Matrilineal Cultures and Female Solidarity 🌱

In many matrilineal or matrifocal societies, women tend to show more support and solidarity toward each other, especially compared to highly patriarchal societies. It’s not a universal rule, but there are patterns worth highlighting:

⮕In matrilineal societies — where lineage, inheritance, or social roles are passed through the mother’s line, women often:

⮕Live in close proximity to their female relatives

⮕Share child-rearing, domestic work, and decision-making

⮕Hold more interdependent roles in the community

⮕Experience less competition for male attention or economic survival

⮕This structure fosters stronger bonds between women because:

⮕They aren't isolated from each other in nuclear households

⮕They aren't forced to rely on men as sole protectors or providers

⮕Their value is rooted in their role as part of a female lineage, not in serving male authority

🌱 For example:

The Mosuo people of China (often called the “Kingdom of Women”) have matrilineal households where women co-raise children and manage property.

In some Akan communities in Ghana, lineage and inheritance go through the mother’s side, and aunties play major decision-making roles.

In Minangkabau culture in Indonesia, women inherit family property, and matrilineal ties shape social structure.

In these cultures, while sexism may still exist, women often trust, rely on, and protect one another more naturally because their power is shared and reinforced communally.

When oppression becomes familiar, it can feel normal even necessary. 🌱

Many women have endured so much pain, control, or silence that they begin to believe:

⮕“This is just how life is.”

⮕“Feminism is unnecessary, we’re fine.”

⮕“If I had to suffer through it, why shouldn’t others?”

This isn’t because they hate women, it’s because they’ve internalized the rules of their own oppression. It feels safer to adapt than to question.

Questioning means facing the pain they’ve buried, or risking relationships, identity, or safety.

Sometimes, it’s also tied to survival and status:

Aligning with patriarchal values can mean protection, from judgment, rejection, or punishment. That’s why some women defend the very system that hurts them.

🌱 Some women oppose women's rights movements not out of hatred, but because:

⮕They’ve found a kind of comfort or safety in patriarchy by playing roles that are rewarded (like the “good wife,” the “obedient daughter,” or the “cool girl”).

⮕They believe they’ve benefited from staying quiet, being agreeable, or aligning with male power.

⮕They fear that questioning the system means losing their place in it.

In defending their version of comfort or control, they often dismiss or deny the reality of other women — women in abusive marriages, underpaid jobs, legal battles, or violent environments, who desperately need women's rights movements and systemic change.

Feminism doesn’t require every woman to agree. Myself, I don't.

It exists because not every woman has the privilege of comfort in patriarchy. It fights for the ones who can’t afford to stay silent.

In Nature, Female Solidarity Is Common So What Happened to Humans? 🌱

In many animal species, especially mammals and primates, females form tight-knit groups that protect, nurture, and support each other.

⮕Female elephants travel in herds led by a matriarch.

⮕Female bonobos share food, raise young cooperatively, and bond socially.

⮕Even in lion prides, the females stay together for life, hunt in groups, and defend each other.

Meanwhile, males tend to compete for mates, status, or territory.

> So nature teaches us that female cooperation is a survival strategy, not rivalry.

But in human societies, something strange happened.

Rather than allowing women to form strong, visible bonds like their animal counterparts, many cultures separated them, physically, socially, even emotionally.

⮕Women were veiled, secluded, or restricted in movement.

⮕Marriages often removed them from their female kin.

⮕They were made to compete for male approval, since power, safety, and resources often came through men.

⮕Men were allowed multiple wives, setting women up in competition with one another.

Male networks were public, dominant, and united while female ones were privatized and broken.

This wasn’t natural. It was engineered.

By denying women visibility, independence, and community, patriarchal systems broke the very support structures that come instinctively in nature.

Men do compete with each other but differently. 🌱

Throughout history, men competed for power, status, land, and leadership in war, politics, business, and later, in careers.

However, because patriarchy ensured men already had access to public space, property, and leadership, they weren’t competing just to exist or be seen, they were competing to rise within a system that favored them.

Women’s competition was more constrained.

Women were often given one narrow path to safety and status: marriage.

With limited legal or economic freedom, they had to compete for male validation, often from a single man, because they were allowed only one husband.

That scarcity created a pressure-cooker of competition not for power, but for survival or value in a man's eyes.

In a way, men didn’t have to compete for basic worth the way women often did. Patriarchy gave them automatic access to public power. Women, denied that power, were left to compete over personal relationships and social approval especially from men.

And even today, that dynamic lingers in things like:

Women being pitted against each other over appearance, desirability, or “wife material.”

Men competing more in status-driven arenas like careers or money, but less often being devalued at their core.

What Can Women Do in a Patriarchal Society?👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

Living under patriarchy doesn’t mean women have to accept the roles or divisions handed to them but real change doesn’t come from simply flipping the power dynamic or blaming one another. It comes from clear, intentional choices:

1. Support Without Blindness

Defend women when they’re vulnerable, silenced, or mistreated but don’t excuse harmful behavior just because it comes from a woman.

> True solidarity isn’t about protecting someone no matter what. It’s about holding space for both support and accountability.

2. Question Internalized Misogyny

Ask yourself:

⮕Am I blaming her because it’s safer than confronting him?

⮕Do I distrust her because I’ve been told to see women as competition?

Learning to unlearn is powerful.

3. Rebuild Female Communities

Reconnect with other women not just through shared pain, but through trust, mutual aid, and growth. Build bonds not based on fear or rivalry but respect.

4. Create Spaces for Critical Thinking

Encourage women to call each other in — not out. Make it okay to say, “What you did hurt people,” without it becoming betrayal. Accountability isn't cruelty, it’s care in action.

5. Uplift Men Who Respect Women

Support male allies who speak up, even when it costs them. Make space for them but don’t center them. And don’t reward the bare minimum with worship, normalize it.

6. Refuse to Compete Over Male Validation

Recognize when systems push women to fight for male approval and step back. There's more power in sisterhood than in being “chosen.”

Conclusion : Women Are Not the Enemy

Women are not born rivals. They are divided by systems of power that make solidarity seem risky and selfishness feel like survival. But deep down, most women know what it means to carry pain. To be silenced. To be judged unfairly.

And that shared experience is powerful, if we can unlearn the lies that keep us apart.