Standing Against Patriarchy: Feminism Isn’t the Only Path – Part 2

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

When we speak of standing against patriarchy, feminism often takes center stage and rightly so, as it has been a powerful movement for women’s rights worldwide. Yet, the story is more complex. For many, especially those raised in matrifocal or matrilineal cultures, resisting patriarchy doesn’t always come through feminist ideology. Instead, it emerges naturally from ways of life where women’s roles, voices, and relationships are already central.

Growing up in a household or community where women hold emotional and social gravity shapes a different kind of resistance, one that doesn’t always fit neatly into feminist frameworks. This post explores how being anti-patriarchy can have roots beyond feminism, drawing from lived experience, cultural traditions, and alternative social structures.

1. What is Matrifocality? What is a Matrilineal Society? 👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

Matrifocality refers to a social structure where the mother or a senior woman is the central figure of the family. In these households, women tend to be the stable, organizing presence, while men may come and go or occupy a more peripheral role. This does not necessarily mean that women are authoritarian or dominant. Instead, power is often relational, and centered around caregiving, stability, and interdependence.

Matrilineal societies, on the other hand, are those in which descent, inheritance, and clan identity are traced through the mother’s line. Property, titles, and sometimes political roles pass from mothers to daughters or from maternal uncles to nephews. Matrilineal societies can be found in various parts of the world, including the Minangkabau of Indonesia, the Mosuo in China, and historically, among many Indigenous peoples.

These systems are ancient. Archaeological and anthropological studies suggest that many early human communities may have been more matrilineal or matrifocal before the rise of centralized, militarized patriarchies. While not universally egalitarian, these societies often functioned with a different rhythm, centered more on cooperation than hierarchy.

Unlike patriarchy, which tends to prioritize control, inheritance through fathers, and vertical power, matrilineal and matrifocal systems often emphasize communal survival, caregiving, and emotional responsibility. The benefit lies in social cohesion and a stronger network of support, particularly for children and women. These societies offer a model that isn't about reversing domination but reorganizing care and continuity.

2. Women's Rights in Matrifocal or Matrilineal Societies vs Patriarchy ⚖️

In matrilineal or matrifocal societies, women often hold clearly defined roles of respect, continuity, and decision-making within their communities. Their rights might not always be expressed through formal state laws—especially when these societies coexist within larger patriarchal systems—but within their own structures, women are often central to property ownership, family leadership, and spiritual authority.

For example, a woman might not vote or hold state office in a matrilineal culture under colonial or modern law, but she might still hold the highest authority in land matters, family decisions, or religious rites. This contrasts with patriarchal systems, where women are frequently seen as dependents, and power is held publicly and structurally by men.

One key difference is emotional and social safety. In matrifocal systems, a woman is rarely isolated. She is embedded in a network of female relatives. Her motherhood and presence are central, not secondary. Her identity is not defined by a man but by her own lineage and contributions.

3. Women's and Men's Roles in Matrilineal, Matrilocal, or Matrifocal Societies 👒👡

These societies aren’t female-dominated as much as they are female-centered. The role of women in matrilineal, matrilocal, or matrifocal communities is often one of continuity, coordination, and caregiving leadership, not dominance, but presence.

Women in these systems are often the anchors of the household. They manage daily life, raise children often with the support of sisters or mothers, and make decisions about land, family welfare, and inheritance. Their position is respected because it’s practical: they provide consistency in kinship systems that do not rely on men staying long-term in one household.

Both ancient Okinawa and the Cham people (of present-day Vietnam and Cambodia) are excellent examples of societies that showed matrilineal or matrifocal traits. So are many Indigenous societies, especially across Asia-Pacific, the Americas, and Africa. These systems existed long before modern feminism — often functioning in balanced, community-centered ways that honored female roles without needing to "oppose" men.

The premodern Ryukyuan society (especially in ancient Okinawa) had clear matrifocal and spiritually matriarchal dimensions.

Okinawa, like other islands with mixed Austronesian and Japanese influence, preserved matrifocal logics until Meiji-era assimilation imposed patriarchy and erased women’s centrality.

Although not always fully matrilineal in legal terms, the authority of elder women in families was strong, especially in rural villages.

Marriage was more flexible, and women sometimes remained in their maternal home, showing matrilocal tendencies.

Spiritual and emotional power was associated with femininity, even kings consulted female shamans for decisions.

The Cham (or Chăm) people were once part of the Champa Kingdom. Their society showed matrilineal inheritance and strong female continuity.

Inheritance of property and clan identity was traditionally traced through women.

Marriage was matrilocal, with husbands joining the wife’s family after marriage.

Women often managed economic life and religious rites, including roles as temple priestesses.

Some ancient Cham sculptures even depict goddesses more prominently than male gods, reflecting a symbolic female reverence.

Though Islamization and Vietnamese assimilation changed many of these customs, matrilineal values are still preserved among some Cham today, especially in Cambodia.

Many Indigenous cultures—especially those unbroken by colonization—practiced matrilineal or matrifocal systems:

🌿 Haudenosaunee (Iroquois Confederacy)

One of the most famous matrilineal societies in North America.

Women owned land, passed on clan identity, and had veto power over chiefs.

The clan mother had enormous social influence and was seen as the keeper of peace and continuity.

Decisions were made collectively, with balance between male and female councils.

These societies prove that matrilineal and matrifocal life is not just an exception. It was common, diverse, and sustainable for centuries. These cultures created systems where women were not just supported but central — not to dominate men, but to create stability, care, and continuity.

Even today, remnants survive quietly in grandmothers raising families, women holding ritual power, and daughters who carry the stories of their lineage.

4. Growing Up with Women: My Matrifocal and Matrilocal Experience 🪶

I wasn’t raised in a matrilineal or matriarchal society. But I was raised in a matrifocal and matrilocal setting. The women were the center of our home, emotionally and practically. My mother, my grandmother figures, my aunties, even my cousins : they formed the web that held life together.

In our home, decisions were made by women, even if men were present. Emotional support came from them. Holidays were planned by them. Conflicts were soothed by their hands. I didn’t grow up thinking women were less. I grew up seeing them lead, in soft but enduring ways.

It shaped how I view women and responsibility. I rarely saw women wait for permission. They acted, they adapted, they survived. That’s why I never felt drawn to the classic feminist rebellion. I wasn’t rebelling against male rule. I was continuing a female-centered way of life.

That said, the men in our household were not absent or dismissed. They had roles too, often more functional or supportive. They helped with physical work, provided income, offered protection, and sometimes gave practical advice.

I had two brothers and was very close to my dad. He often took me to my figure skating lessons, read me stories before bed, helped me with homework, and we used to garden together.

While emotionally the structure leaned toward the women, men still held certain types of authority especially when it came to discipline, or public decisions. Even in our matrifocal space, their words could carry more weight just because they were men. It wasn’t a matriarchy where women ruled over men, it was a matrifocal balance, where women held the emotional and relational gravity of the home

5. Studying and Working with Women 💭

When adolescence came, I slowly started to seek gender-separated environments, not out of rejection of men, but out of preference. I felt safer, softer, more expressive in all-girl spaces. I chose to attend a women-only university because I knew my personality would bloom there: sensitive, thoughtful, and deeply observant.

That didn’t mean I avoided men. I skated in duo with a male partner, and some of my teachers or friends outside school were men. But when it came to my intellectual and emotional growth, being surrounded by women allowed me to relax and expand.

In those years, I saw how differently women spoke, studied, and supported each other when not filtered through male expectations. Conversations felt less about proving and more about sharing. I don’t think women are inherently better but I do think the space we built together allowed for a different kind of depth.

6. Studying Social Science Made Me Realize Patriarchy Isn’t the Only Way

Entering the world of social science confirmed what I already felt. Patriarchy, while dominant in many global systems, is not universal. It's not inevitable. It’s just one way humans have structured power often to the detriment of emotional health, relational balance, and intergenerational care.

Studying matrilineal, matrilocal, and matrifocal systems around the world gave me language for what I had lived. It showed me how many societies had functioned differently, beautifully, without putting women second.

This academic lens didn’t radicalize me. It rooted me. It helped me understand that my background wasn’t strange or backward. It was simply one variation among many and one worth remembering, honoring, and maybe even reviving.

Coming from a matrifocal or matrilineal society means living with a natural resistance to patriarchy, not because of feminist ideology, but because the structure of life itself centers women’s roles and values. This lived experience of female-centered kinship and care can make patriarchy feel foreign or even incomprehensible.

Yet, being anti-patriarchy doesn’t always mean embracing feminism as it’s commonly defined. For many who grow up in these societies, feminism can seem like an external framework, sometimes necessary for broader social justice, but not the root of their personal or cultural resistance.

Instead, their defiance of patriarchy is woven into their daily life, relationships, and traditions. They may not need feminism as a tool because they live an alternative, matrifocal way of being that already challenges male dominance in its own terms.

Why Matrilineal or Matrifocal Societies Can Sometimes Contradict Feminism✊🏻

While matrilineal and matrifocal societies often offer alternatives to patriarchal oppression, they don’t always align perfectly with feminist ideals or politics.

Sometimes feminism unintentionally clashes with matrilineal or matrifocal cultures because it judges them through a specific lens of absolute equality or individual autonomy. Feminist critiques can label these cultures as “not equal enough” or “still oppressive” because women’s roles, while central, might still be traditional, gendered, or limited in certain ways.

Yet, these societies often offer better alternatives to patriarchy, with stronger community bonds, respect for women’s roles, and more relational power. Their values might prioritize balance, care, and continuity over a strict equality model.

When feminism overlooks this, it can seem dismissive or even harmful, imposing external standards without fully understanding the cultural context or the ways these societies resist male dominance in their own terms.

In short, while matrifocal or matrilineal systems resist patriarchy, their relationship with feminism can be complex, ambivalent, or even contradictory. This doesn’t make either “wrong,” just different approaches to gender, power, and social life.

Men in matrilineal societies 👬

In many matrilineal or matrifocal societies, men’s roles and behaviors around women can be shaped by a deep cultural understanding of relational respect and shared responsibility. Because women often hold central places in family and community life, men learn to engage differently with more cooperation, emotional attunement, or support.

This doesn’t mean men are perfect or that gender conflict disappears. Men still have their own struggles, expectations, and flaws everywhere. But the framework of matrifocal life can encourage men to relate to women as partners rather than owners or rulers.

In contrast to some patriarchal cultures where power imbalances breed control or entitlement, these societies often promote a more balanced dance of care, respect, and mutual dependence.

Still, every society has its challenges. No system is flawless. But matrifocal settings might offer men and women a softer, more interconnected way of being together.

Even if matrifocal or matrilineal ways of relating naturally foster more respect and balance between men and women, patriarchy remains the dominant global system shaping economies, laws, media, and social expectations. This can make it hard to see or fully live those gentler ways.

Men and women who grew up in matrifocal settings often have to navigate both worlds : the nurturing, cooperative home and the broader patriarchal society that rewards control, hierarchy, and rigid gender roles.

In my own family, my dad and brothers show respect for women’s freedom and roles that go beyond traditional patriarchal definitions. They support and honor the women around them in ways that feel rooted in care, equality, and shared responsibility.

Yet, we all live in a patriarchal country, and that broader influence seeps in sometimes subtly shaping gender expectations or behaviors, even when no one consciously wants it. It’s not about misogyny or oppression within my family, but about how the culture around us leaves its marks.

My younger brother, for example, embraces what some call subordinate masculinity, consciously rejecting toxic dominance and aligning with anti-patriarchy values. He models a different kind of manhood, one that listens, respects, and supports.

This balance—between honoring a matrifocal household and navigating patriarchal society—shapes how I see gender and resistance. It shows me that dismantling patriarchy isn’t just about fighting it head-on; it’s about living and growing in small, meaningful ways every day.

Male - dominance, not patriarchal

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It’s important to remember that not all societies where men held dominant roles were strictly patriarchal in the sense of complete control or oppression over women. Some had complex social arrangements : men might lead publicly, but women retained important economic, social, or spiritual power behind the scenes. Authority could be distributed or balanced, not absolute.

This means male dominance doesn’t always equal full patriarchy or systemic misogyny. Understanding these nuances helps us see the wide spectrum of gender dynamics and avoid oversimplifications.

Closing Thoughts 💭

Rejecting patriarchy is a shared goal, but the paths we take to get there are many and varied. Feminism offers vital tools for change, yet it’s not the only way to challenge oppressive male dominance. For those nurtured in matrifocal or matrilineal contexts, anti-patriarchy is woven into daily life, relationships, and cultural memory, sometimes quietly, sometimes defiantly.

Recognizing this diversity helps us broaden our understanding of resistance and respect the many ways women and communities have sustained themselves outside patriarchal norms. It reminds us that dismantling oppression is not a one-size-fits-all journey, but a tapestry of voices, histories, and futures.