Not All Men, But Always Women? How Systems Teach Misogyny and Why Good Men Get Mocked?

Hello deer, this is Seri 🌸

Across history and across continents, one painful pattern keeps repeating: those in power suppress those without it. From the subjugation of women to the domination of ethnic minorities, the same question echoes — why does this happen, and why does it persist?

Is it something inherent in human nature, a biological urge to dominate? Or is it a learned system, passed down through religion, culture, and tradition? And if some societies treated women and minorities with respect, then why did others fall so far into cruelty?

This post explores how misogyny and ethnic oppression reflect a deeper human tendency: the urge of the powerful to control the vulnerable. It’s not because the oppressed are weak by nature but because power makes it easy, convenient, and profitable to make them so.

Topics covered in this post :

➠Power Is Addictive - And It Demands Control

➠Misogyny Isn't Just Hatred - It's a System of Control

➠Ethnic Oppression Mirrors the Same Dynamics

➠Divide and Conquer: Keep the Oppressed Distracted

➠The “feminism hates men” narrative is primarily a distraction

➠Is It Human Nature — Or Just a Long Habit?

➠Misogyny Has Been Repackaged

Not Erased

➠The Backlash to Progress

➠Algorithms and Echo Chambers

➠Weaponized Insecurity from men

➠The Illusion of Equality

➠One of the most painful, maddening aspects of modern misogyny

➠Male Solidarity Over Justice

➠Religious Justification

➠Myth of the Perfect Man, Flawed Woman

➠“Simp” Culture = Toxic Policing

➠Misogyny Is Out of Hand

➠Women Defending Misogyny

1. Power Is Addictive — And It Demands Control

History shows that once people gain power, they rarely give it up voluntarily. Whether it’s men over women, colonizers over native populations, or the wealthy over the poor, oppression is often about preserving privilege.

Power systems evolve not just to protect those at the top, but to make their dominance seem “natural.” Patriarchy, white supremacy, caste hierarchies, these weren’t random. They were carefully designed to justify inequality.

> Example: In ancient Athens, a democracy for free men, women were not citizens and had no political voice. In parallel, enslaved people did the labor. This was no accident — the “freedom” of the few depended on the oppression of others.

2. Misogyny Isn’t Just Hatred — It’s a System of Control

Misogyny has often been framed as hatred or fear of women. But in truth, it’s more accurate to see it as a systematic effort to control women’s bodies, labor, and choices.

Control over reproduction, one of the most consistent themes in misogynistic systems — is key. In patriarchal cultures, women’s sexuality is regulated, virginity is fetishized, and motherhood is expected. This ensures lineage, inheritance, and male dominance.

> Examples:

In many Abrahamic religious texts, women are blamed for “the fall,” seen as temptresses or spiritual liabilities.

In Confucian-influenced East Asian cultures (e.g., Korea), strict gender roles made women legally and morally subordinate to fathers, then husbands.

Even today, debates over abortion, dress codes, or access to education often boil down to: who controls a woman’s body?

3. Ethnic Oppression Mirrors the Same Dynamics

The same logic used to justify misogyny applies to ethnic oppression: constructing a narrative that some people are inferior, dangerous, or less human.

Slavery, colonialism, and genocide were made possible not just through violence, but through ideology. Racist science, religious justifications, and myths of “civilizing” missions were all used to excuse cruelty.

> Examples:

European colonial powers portrayed Indigenous peoples as “savages” to justify conquest and resource theft.

In the Atlantic slave trade, Africans were dehumanized to justify their commodification.

In Nazi Germany, Jews and other groups were systemically oppressed using pseudoscience and cultural myths of purity and threat.

Oppression always begins with dehumanization. Once a group is seen as less than human, almost anything becomes justifiable.

4. Divide and Conquer: Keep the Oppressed Distracted

To maintain power, dominant groups have often turned the oppressed against each other — men vs. women, one ethnic group vs. another, upper vs. lower class. This tactic keeps people divided, insecure, and easier to control.

> Examples:

In colonized India, the British stoked divisions between Hindus and Muslims to prevent a unified independence movement.

In many modern countries, internalized misogyny and racism cause marginalized people to police each other while those in power remain untouched.

This strategy is devastatingly effective. It prevents solidarity and keeps the system intact.

The “feminism hates men” narrative is primarily a distraction, and a very effective one.

Instead of discussing:

➩violence against women,

➩unequal pay,

➩reproductive rights,

➩sexual harassment,

➩systemic misogyny,

➩the conversation gets derailed into:

> “But feminism hates men!”

This reframes the oppressor as the victim, and puts women (again) on the defensive, having to explain, apologize, or prove their “niceness.”

If people believe feminism = man-hating, they’re less likely to support it. This benefits those who are invested in keeping things unequal.

Even some women distance themselves from feminism out of fear of being seen as “extreme” or “angry.”

The accusation of “hating men” works because it:

➩tugs on guilt and shame,

➩derails progress,

➩centers male feelings over female survival,

➩and demands constant reassurance instead of justice.

The “feminism hates men” narrative is a smokescreen, one designed to distract from male accountability, silence critique, and slow down the work of liberation.

I might not call myself feminist, but I know for a fact that every group that has stood up against injustice has been distorted, demonized, or ridiculed by the system they challenge:

➩Anti-racism? “They hate white people.”

➩Feminism? “They hate men.”

➩LGBTQ+ rights? “They’re attacking families.”

➩Disability rights? “They want special treatment.”

➩Palestinian rights? “They’re antisemitic.”

➩Environmental activism? “They hate progress.”

The pattern is always the same:

> Take a movement for justice → twist its message → paint it as dangerous → make the dominant group feel like they’re the victim.

5. Is It Human Nature — Or Just a Long Habit?

Some argue that oppression is biological, that humans are like chimps, with dominant males controlling others. But unlike animals, humans build cultures, stories, and laws. What we normalize is a choice.

> Examples of alternatives:

In several Indigenous cultures (e.g., Iroquois, some African societies), women had high status and political power.

Some matrilineal societies (like the Minangkabau in Indonesia) pass down property and names through the female line.

Ancient Egypt gave women legal rights to own property and divorce, long before many Western cultures did.

These examples show that misogyny and ethnic dominance are not inevitable. They are not hardwired, they are learned, reinforced, and institutionalized.

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Misogyny isn’t just persisting in today’s world; in some places, it’s actually intensifying. What's especially disturbing is that much of this backlash is coming from people who grew up in societies where women had rights, voices, and some level of protection.

So why is this happening now?

1. The Backlash to Progress

Every time women have made visible gains in education, leadership, independence there has been backlash. This isn’t new. It happened after the suffrage movement, during the feminist waves, and even after #MeToo.

What’s different now is that social media and globalized culture have made women’s empowerment more visible, louder, and harder to ignore. To insecure or controlling people, that visibility feels like a threat.

They feel like they’re “losing” control over women.

And when people feel they’re losing power even imagined power they lash out.

2. Misogyny Has Been Repackaged, Not Erased

Modern misogyny often pretends to be something else:

"Tradwife" or "anti-feminist" influencers selling old gender roles as empowerment.

Male-dominated spaces online (like some corners of Reddit, Discord, YouTube, etc.) where misogyny is framed as truth-telling, “protecting masculinity,” or “exposing female privilege.”

Anti-women rhetoric wrapped in jokes, memes, or “scientific” language about biology or dating.

These aren’t old-fashioned patriarchs. Many are young men, angry, online, and radicalized into believing that they are the victims.

3. Weaponized Insecurity

A lot of modern misogyny is rooted in male insecurity — economic, sexual, and social. As women become more independent, successful, and outspoken, some men feel displaced.

They grew up in a world where they were told they’d be the default leader, provider, or decision-maker but reality didn’t match.

Instead of challenging those expectations, they turn their frustration against women, not the systems that failed them.

Misogyny becomes a scapegoat ideology:

“It’s not me. It’s women. They’re the problem.”

4. Algorithms and Echo Chambers

Social media and online culture didn’t just reflect this misogyny, they amplified it. Algorithms reward outrage, controversy, and identity-based hate. The more extreme the content, the more attention it gets.

Young men fall into echo chambers where violence against women is normalized, where blaming women for everything becomes a bonding ritual. It’s addictive, tribal, and deeply damaging.

5. The Illusion of Equality

Many people believe that women are now “equal” because women can vote, work, and speak. But surface-level rights don't erase centuries of structural imbalance. And just because women are visible doesn’t mean they’re safe or respected.

What we’re seeing is not post-misogyny but covert misogyny, performative equality, and then backlash when women demand more than symbolic freedom.

Final Thought

Modern misogyny isn’t a relic of the past. It’s evolving. It wears new clothes, speaks new languages, and hides behind new excuses. That’s what makes it harder to fight and harder to name.

Things are shifting. Not always forward. And sometimes, progress itself is what wakes the monsters up.

One of the most painful, maddening aspects of modern misogyny:

> The refusal to see women as fully human, and the deep male loyalty to each other even in the face of obvious violence, abuse, or lies.

Many women (and some men) around the world are noticing the same patterns:

➩Men defending each other no matter what.

➩Women blamed even when they are the victims.

➩Criminals excused, survivors questioned.

➩Men writing entire worldviews where they are innocent kings and women are manipulative, emotional, or evil.

Here are some deeper layers of why this is happening especially in religious and traditional spaces:

1. Male Solidarity Over Justice

There’s an unspoken rule in many male-dominated cultures:

> “Protect the brotherhood at all costs.”

This creates a toxic loyalty that overrides morality. Men will defend each other against rape accusations, abuse allegations, or even murder because admitting guilt would shatter the fragile system that keeps their status intact.

It’s not about truth. It’s about preserving male dominance socially, sexually, and morally.

2. Women as Scapegoats

For centuries, women have been blamed for men’s actions:

➩She tempted him.

➩She dressed the wrong way.

➩She provoked him.

➩She lied.

➩She made him angry.

➩She’s crazy, emotional, vindictive...

Even when there’s proof, men in these systems find a way to shift blame. Because the alternative —admitting men are responsible for violence would destroy the illusion of moral superiority they've built.

3. Religious Justification

Many religions — especially interpreted through patriarchy have provided a script for blaming women:

➩Eve ate the fruit, not Adam.

➩Women’s bodies cause sin.

➩Men are “leaders,” women must obey.

➩Husbands are justified in discipline.

➩A good woman is silent, modest, and submissive.

Men raised in this framework truly believe women are at fault for everything because they were taught that from birth, and their communities reward that belief.

4. Myth of the Perfect Man, Flawed Woman

Men in these circles often build identities where they are always:

➩Logical

➩Strong

➩Misunderstood

➩Providers

➩Victims of "female cruelty"

Meanwhile, women are reduced to:

➩Gold-diggers

➩Manipulators

➩Overly emotional

➩Sexually dangerous

➩Never satisfied

This black-and-white thinking justifies any cruelty, because “she deserved it.”

5. The Narcissism of the System

Misogynistic spaces are full of narcissism: men who think they are morally superior while refusing to self-reflect. They project their failures onto women instead of taking accountability.

And it’s easier — emotionally and socially — to blame women than it is to confront your own violence, your own failure, your own weakness.

The Truth They Refuse to Face

It’s not that women are perfect — nobody is.

Like all humans, some women do lie, manipulate, abuse, or misuse power. Some weaponize femininity to gain privilege, especially in systems that reward them for conforming to male expectations (e.g. using beauty, submission, or internalized misogyny to gain proximity to male power).

But what many men refuse to face is this:

> Women are not the enemy. Men’s own entitlement is.

And it is not women’s lies ruining the world. It’s men’s refusal to face the truth.

Men may feel hurt by “all men,” but…

That hurt is often defensive, not reflective. It’s not about experiencing violence or systemic harm, it’s about being grouped in with the behavior they don’t want to claim.

But when many of them:

➩stay silent when women are attacked,

➩excuse violent or abusive men,

➩laugh at sexist jokes,

➩or call men who speak up “simps,” “weak,” or “emasculated”

then it’s not unfair to say:

> You may not be doing the worst of it, but you’re helping it survive.

Silence is not Neutral

When someone says “not all men,” but:

➩doesn't interrupt sexist behavior,

➩refuses to believe victims,

➩or stays quiet in male-only spaces

they're choosing comfort over justice.

And that’s the problem. This silence isn’t passive — it’s a form of complicity. It allows abusers and misogynists to thrive with cover.

When women say “men,” they’re not saying every individual man is violent. They’re saying:

> Enough men have done harm, and too many others stayed quiet so the impact feels universal.

It’s not a personal accusation, it’s a social cry for change.

“Simp” Culture = Toxic Policing

Men often form tight networks of loyalty and defense, even in the face of serious wrongdoing (like abuse, harassment, or violence).

In contrast, women are socialized into competition and distrust:

➩They’re taught to see each other as rivals (for male approval, safety, resources).

➩They’re often quick to judge each other harshly.

➩Many internalize misogyny and even side with men to gain favor or survive.

Men doing harm often have institutional and cultural protection.

Women doing harm are often used as proof that all women are dangerous, or to discredit feminism entirely.

When men defend women publicly, they’re often labeled “simps” not because they’re wrong, but because they’re seen as betraying male loyalty.

This is a direct product of toxic masculinity:

➩It punishes empathy.

➩It mocks decency.

➩It teaches men that defending women makes you weak, when in reality, it takes strength to go against the group.

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1. Misogyny Is Out of Hand

Misogyny today has become so normalized and widespread that it feels like an unavoidable background noise in daily life. What was once whispered in private is now shouted from the rooftops, on social media, in political discourse, in workplaces, and even within families.

Why is this happening now, especially in societies where gender equality has made significant strides?

🌱Why It’s Worse Now:

Amplification through Technology: In the past, misogynistic ideas were confined to smaller, more isolated spaces. Now, social media, echo chambers, and algorithms amplify hate. Platforms reward content that is shocking or divisive, meaning that misogynistic voices have a bigger audience than ever. These platforms also facilitate the rise of groups or movements built on resentment, often under the guise of “free speech” or “exposing the truth.”

Backlash to Women's Empowerment: As women push for more rights, recognition, and freedom, there's an inevitable pushback. The more visible women’s power becomes, the more threatened many men feel. This leads to the kind of extremism we see today, where women aren’t just dismissed but outright attacked for asserting themselves. When women’s empowerment becomes loud and hard to ignore, it challenges the traditional power structure that has always served men, especially in patriarchal societies.

The “Not All Men, But All Women” Logic

The way some men frame their views on gender relations is disturbingly consistent: they’ll dismiss criticism or accountability by saying, "Not all men are like that." And yet, they turn around and apply blanket generalizations to women, blaming them for everything.

🌱Why They Do This:

Denial of Personal Responsibility: It’s a way to escape accountability. If all men were seen as a collective problem, it would force every man to confront his complicity in the system. But by saying “not all men,” they can absolve themselves of responsibility and dismiss women’s pain. Meanwhile, when it comes to women, they’re seen as a collective “problem”, an easy target for their frustrations, perceived failures, or insecurities.

The Superficial “Equality” Mask: The “not all men” rhetoric is often a way to appear enlightened while maintaining power. They get to say, “I’m not like those men,” but still defend the systems that harm women. It’s a shield, not just to protect themselves but to avoid dismantling the patriarchal systems that benefit them.

Perpetuating Misogyny Through Generalizations: Misogyny thrives on essentialism — the idea that women, as a group, are all the same. Women are all manipulative, all emotional, all deceitful, or all power-hungry. This ignores the truth that women are as diverse as men. But these generalizations serve to dehumanize women and reduce them to stereotypes that justify mistreatment.

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Women Defending Misogyny

It's true that many women support and perpetuate misogyny. Some do it consciously, while others may do it unconsciously, because they’ve been conditioned to internalize it from birth. Women can often fall into gendered expectations that encourage them to accept their own subordination.

🌱Why Women Defend Misogyny:

Internalized Misogyny: From a young age, many women are taught, whether directly or indirectly, that their primary role in life is to serve, support, or please men. They are socialized to value themselves based on male approval, making it difficult to imagine life outside of those constraints. When you’re constantly told you’re inferior, it becomes harder to recognize that you deserve more. So some women adopt the same beliefs, even defend them, because it’s a coping mechanism. Accepting the patriarchy is easier than fighting against it.

Fear of Rejection or Punishment: As a woman, it was my case too. Women who step outside the accepted norms of femininity or challenge male-dominated structures often face social exclusion. Women defending misogyny may do so out of fear of losing the support, validation, or safety that comes from fitting into a patriarchal framework. Speaking out against misogyny can result in being labeled as "difficult," "aggressive," or even punished by men, peers, or communities.

The "Power" of Submission: In some cases, defending patriarchal norms can feel like a way to gain power or at least to feel safer. Women who adhere to gender norms and support male leadership may believe that they’re gaining favor with men. They’re taught that compliance leads to protection and status, even if it means giving up their autonomy.

Why Men Often Defend Each Other, Even When They’re Wrong

I mention this point above but I want to explain it more detaily.

The level of solidarity men show toward each other, even in the face of clear evidence of wrong-doing, is deeply concerning. Whether it’s defending a friend who’s committed a crime, excusing an abuser, or outright rejecting a victim’s testimony, this kind of loyalty to other men can be devastating to women.

🌱Why Men Defend Each Other:

Male Bonding and Group Identity: Men often bond through shared experiences and interests that reaffirm their sense of superiority. This creates an intense loyalty to one another, even when one man acts in a way that harms women. In this system, protecting each other’s actions, even bad ones, is seen as proof of their loyalty and strength.

Reinforcing the Male Hierarchy: When men defend other men, they reinforce a hierarchy where male solidarity is prioritized over individual moral actions. Men are taught, from a young age, that protecting other men, even at the cost of women’s safety or dignity, is essential to maintaining their position in the male hierarchy.

Minimizing Female Suffering: To defend men, they must invalidate women’s experiences. Women who speak out against violence or injustice are often dismissed as “crazy,” “jealous,” or “attention-seeking.” This minimizes their suffering and preserves the image of men as inherently good, thus protecting men from confronting their own harmful behaviors.

The Myth of Cultures That Treat Women Better

Yes, you hear a lot about “other cultures” where women are supposedly treated better, but the reality is often more complex. These narratives can sometimes mask the subtle forms of oppression or unequal power dynamics that are deeply embedded in those cultures.

🌱Why This Myth Persists:

Respect Is Conditional, Not Unconditional :

Many cultures say they “respect women,” but only if women behave a certain way : quiet, submissive, nurturing, modest, obedient.

That’s not respect, that’s rewarding conformity to an ideal.

⮕If you have to act a certain way to be respected, it’s not real respect, it’s compliance.

Romanticizing Other Cultures: There’s a tendency to romanticize cultures where the patriarchy is less visible. In these cases, men may display “public respect” or deference to women, but that doesn’t always translate into genuine gender equality.

Tokenism vs. True Equality: In some societies, women are “respected” because they are mothers, wives, or caregivers, not because they are full human beings with rights and agency. That respect may come at a cost — i.e., women’s personal freedoms or their ability to have agency outside specific roles. A woman may be revered as a mother, but not seen as a full human being with rights outside of that role.

Respect Based on Utility, Not Humanity :

When men say “I respect women because they cook, clean, raise children”, they are respecting labor, not personhood.

And if a woman refuses that role? The respect vanishes.

If she steps outside that role by choosing independence, education, career, or delaying marriage, she’s often seen as:

“Too modern”

“Selfish”

“Rebellious”

Or even “disrespectful”

A wife who tolerates disrespect is praised for being “patient” but one who sets boundaries is labeled “difficult” or “disobedient.”

A girl who wants to study or work instead of marry young is accused of “wasting time” or “thinking she’s better than others.”

The Real Message?

> “We don’t respect you, we respect what you can do for us if you follow our rules.”

True respect means honoring a woman’s choices, voice, and agency, not just her usefulness to others.

Internalized Misogyny & Cultural Programming :

Men in these systems truly believe they are doing the right thing, because they’ve been raised to think women are fragile, emotional, or in need of control.

Some women even adopt these beliefs, reinforcing the cycle.

Conclusion :

Many cultures don’t respect women, they respect their own idealized version of what a woman should be.

When a woman defies that image, she’s often punished, not because she’s wrong, but because she threatens the system.

🌱The Heart of the Issue:

At the end of the day, misogyny is a system. It’s not random or accidental. It's designed to preserve male power, and for it to function, it must keep women divided, oppressed, and blamed for everything that goes wrong.

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“Modern feminism is bad” — but they said that 100 years ago too

Today people say:

> “Feminists now are too extreme. Old feminists had class.”

But in the 1800s and early 1900s, people were saying:

> “These suffragettes are hysterical. Unwomanly. Destroying the family.”

In the 1960s and ’70s:

> “Second-wave feminists are man-hating, anti-family radicals.”

In the 1990s:

> “Third-wave feminists are angry and chaotic. They hate femininity.”

Now?

> “Modern feminists are toxic, selfish, and fake victims.”

It’s the same script, just updated for each era. No matter how polite, academic, inclusive, or diverse feminism becomes, people who benefit from patriarchy will always find a reason to say it’s wrong.

A Few “Bad Feminists” ≠ The End of Feminism

Every movement — feminism, civil rights, climate justice — has flawed individuals. But that doesn't invalidate the cause. Myself, I disgaree with so many feminists but we don’t abandon democracy because some politicians are corrupt. We don’t abandon medicine because some doctors are unethical.

> You don’t throw out the entire movement, you stay in it and push it to grow stronger and more accountable.

The term misandry is increasingly being used not to describe real hatred of men, but to silence women, discredit their pain, and deflect accountability from deeply rooted misogyny.

🌱Let’s unpack all of this:

1. Men’s Misogyny Was Not Born from Misandry

Historically, men didn’t become misogynistic because women hated them.

> Women were oppressed long before they were allowed to speak up.

Misogyny has existed for thousands of years — in law, religion, medicine, philosophy, and culture — not as a reaction to misandry, but as a tool of control.

In fact:

➩In ancient Greece, women were thought to be defective men.

➩In Christian texts, women were blamed for sin and sexual temptation.

➩In many traditional cultures, women were treated as property passed from father to husband.

➩Women weren’t allowed to vote, own land, or control their own bodies.

So when men say, “We’re misogynistic because women are misandrist”, they’re rewriting history.

Misogyny is not reactive. It’s foundational. It was designed to benefit men and keep them in power.

2. What Is Called “Misandry” Is Often Just Truth-Telling

Many men today label any woman who:

➩Criticizes patriarchy

➩Talks about male violence

➩Exposes abuse

➩Calls out sexist behavior

as a “misandrist.”

> Being angry at oppression isn’t hatred, it’s awareness. Naming your abuser doesn’t mean you hate all men, it means you want justice.

Calling this “misandry” is a smokescreen, a way to make themselves the victims and distract from women’s very real suffering.

3. Misandry Has No Institutional Power

Even when misandry does exist, it does not hold systemic power the way misogyny does. Misogyny controls:

➩Laws

➩Religion

➩Medicine

➩Politics

➩Education

➩Media

➩Workplace dynamics

A few angry women on the internet calling men trash is not equal to the centuries of control, violence, silencing, and subjugation women have endured and still endure.

> Misandry may offend.

Misogyny kills.

4. “Misandry” Is Often a Defensive Weapon

When men feel criticized — especially publicly — some feel wounded because they’re not used to being held accountable. So rather than sit with discomfort, they flip the script:

➩“You’re being unfair.”

➩“You’re sexist against men.”

➩“This is misandry.”

🌱This serves three purposes:

1. It derails the conversation away from men’s behavior.

2. It paints men as victims, redirecting sympathy to them.

3. It silences women, making them afraid to speak out for fear of being labeled “bitter” or “man-hating.”

5. Sometimes, Misandry Does Appear — and Here’s Why

Some women do express real anger, even hatred, toward men. But this is often not unprovoked. It usually comes from:

➩Long-term trauma

➩Systemic oppression

➩Being disbelieved, abused, dismissed, or silenced

➩Watching other women suffer while men laugh, ignore, or defend abusers

Even then, misandry is often emotional and individual, not institutional or violent. It may be a reaction, not a worldview, and definitely not a global system of domination.

🌱In Short

Misogyny came first.

Misandry is often exaggerated, misused, or misunderstood.

And calling women “misandrists” is often just a strategy to avoid accountability.

Call out abuse, and demand better and that doesn’t make you hateful. It makes you awake.

Still, generalizing or hating men is never a solution. It alienates allies, mirrors the very harm we’re trying to dismantle, and feeds the false narrative that feminism is about “man-hating.”

We can — and should — challenge misandry. Just like racism, or xenophobia, or any kind of hate.

But we must also be careful not to let the concept of misandry be weaponized to silence women who speak up against abuse, or to paint all feminism as extreme.

Conclusion

Misogyny, like racism, ableism, and other forms of systemic oppression, is fundamentally about power, not about truth, fairness, or nature. It’s not that women were inherently less capable, just like people of color weren’t inherently inferior, or disabled people less human. It’s that those in power — often men, often from dominant classes or groups — created systems that justified their dominance and protected their privilege.

The logic is the same:

➩Dehumanize the other.

➩Blame them for their own suffering.

➩Normalize their subjugation.

➩Reward those who conform, punish those who resist.

Misogyny is not an isolated hatred. It’s one expression of a broader pattern: the powerful suppressing the less powerful to stay in control — whether that’s based on gender, race, ability, sexuality, or class.

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🌱 Not all men, Yes, Some Men Did Stand With Us

While misogyny has often been upheld by men in power, history shows that not all men remained silent, some chose to stand with women, even when it cost them socially or politically.

Their support reminds us that justice isn't bound by gender, and that men can be part of dismantling patriarchy rather than protecting it.

John Stuart Mill

A 19th-century British philosopher and one of the first men in political power to openly support women’s rights. He argued in “The Subjection of Women” that society’s treatment of women was a form of slavery and fought for women’s suffrage in Parliament — long before it was acceptable.

Frederick Douglass

A former enslaved man and abolitionist, Douglass knew the pain of oppression firsthand. He was one of the few men to attend the Seneca Falls Convention in 1848 and declared that denying women the vote was a denial of justice. He understood that freedom for one group cannot exist while another remains chained.

Marquis de Condorcet

A French Enlightenment thinker who defied his era by demanding equal rights for women, including the right to vote and access education. His writings in the late 1700s were so radical that they were buried in history for centuries.

W.E.B. Du Bois

A leader of the early civil rights movement in the U.S., Du Bois spoke out for women’s equality as well. He knew that racism and sexism were twin systems of oppression — and you couldn’t truly fight one without acknowledging the other.

Modern Allies

Today, men like Michael Kimmel, Jackson Katz, and Patrick Stewart publicly support feminism and fight violence against women. Many lesser-known men — teachers, brothers, partners, sons — also stand up in quiet, powerful ways: calling out sexism, supporting survivors, and raising boys with empathy.

These men weren’t perfect, but they chose courage over comfort. They remind us that silence is a choice and so is allyship.

🌱 The consequences

Unfortunately, men who support women’s rights or call out misogyny are often punished socially not because they’re wrong, but because they’re breaking a code of male loyalty enforced by patriarchy.

When a man challenges other men — by believing women, calling out abuse, or supporting feminism — he’s seen as betraying the “team.”

🌱Toxic Masculinity Polices Men Too

From a young age, boys are taught:

➩Don’t show emotion.

➩Don’t be soft.

➩Don’t take women’s side.

➩Don’t “let” a woman lead you.

So when a man dares to act differently, toxic masculinity kicks in not just to punish him, but to warn other men not to follow his example.

🌱Fear of Losing Power

When a man uplifts women, he threatens the old structure where men hold control. Those invested in that system feel attacked, even if they won’t admit it. They lash out not because they’re strong, but because they’re insecure.

They Can’t Refute the Message, So They Attack the Messenger

Instead of engaging with the actual issues — abuse, inequality, violence — they call men “simps,” “beta males,” or accuse them of being weak. It’s a distraction tactic.

> If they can mock you, they don’t have to listen to you.

This is why it takes real strength and integrity for a man to support women publicly. Not because it’s heroic, but because the backlash, even from other men, can be harsh.

🌱 What can we do to protect and preserve these men, the ones standing on the right side of history?

If we want more men to stand beside women in the fight against misogyny, we also need to recognize that patriarchy hurts them, too, just in different ways.

Giving men a space to express their own struggles helps build trust, connection, and long-term solidarity.

Acknowledge Their Role Without Making Them the Hero

It’s tempting to over-praise male allies, but the goal isn’t to center them, it’s to affirm them.

> “Thank you for speaking up.”

“You did the right thing.”

“We see you, and we’ve got your back.”

When we treat supportive men like rare saints or special cases, we reinforce the idea that supporting women is unusual for men, when it should be normal.

By making allyship seem rare or exceptional, it can continue to center men in the narrative, even in a movement about women’s rights.

Let Them Be Heard, Too

Supporting women doesn’t mean silencing men, it means shifting the focus without erasing their humanity.

> Men also suffer from emotional repression, abuse, societal expectations, and violence.

But instead of competing with women’s pain, we can create room for both.

Stand With Them When They’re Attacked

When men defend women and get dragged for it, we need to defend them, too.

➩Speak up in their defense.

➩Validate their courage.

➩Remind them they’re not alone.

Their strength in standing up is not “weakness.” It’s what real masculinity looks like.